Thursday 16 December 2010

STORIES FROM THE FLASH COMPILATION

 MERRY CHRISTMAS
As a treat I'm highlighting several authors (myself included) who contributed to the second FLASH FICTION compilation FLASHBACK 2010.
The story telling discipline that only allows 150 words.
If you like these BUY THE BOOK, there's another 130 + stories just dying to be read.





The way to go out

As he lay in the foxhole clutching it hard against his chest Corporal Todd felt a blinding chill pierce his very being when the cry went up.

“Banzai!”

He looked to his left at his comrade. Dead, but no sign of proof to show for it. It was like he was sleeping.

He didn’t look to the right.

He already made that mistake and only saw a body, no head.

Both men he knew intimately through conversations he had but never considered either a good friend.

It would be a lonely death.

The charging Japanese were getting closer now, his last wish now as he lay shivering in fear was that the grenade he was holding would go off before he felt the oncoming bayonets.


Snake oil and dust

Arizona Slim took the penknife from his boot and pressed the blade into the bottle’s label, scratching away the legend which declared ’Doc Monroe’s Miracle Cure-All Elixir!’

Turning the bottle over in his rough hands, he continued to scratch off each of the bogus claims the travelling showman had promised:
Guaranteed to mend a broken heart! (Scratch)
Wins women with magic aphrodisiac properties!             (Scratch)
Cures your thirst for liquor! (Scratch)
Calms a fiery temper! (Scratch)
Cleans away blood stains! (Scratch).

Finally, Slim reached the bottom of the label and the elixir’s final promises.

Improves respiratory problems!
Ideal for rope burns!

He smirked and clicked the blade back into the hilt, throwing the bottle into the dust.

“Well, I hope at least the last two work out for you, Doc”.

With that, Slim turned his back on the gallows, leaving behind the swinging figure and the creak of rope on wood.

The blender
“What happened to your watch?”
“It got caught in the blender. It’s not mine anyway.”
“Whose is it?”
“My wife’s.”
“I don’t think I can fix it.”
“No, I guess you can’t. I just hoped.”
“I can do you a deal on a similar watch.”
“No point.
“Why not?”
“She’d know the difference. Besides, she can’t wear a watch now. It was on her arm when it got caught.”
“Oh. Well … she has … er … HAD two arms, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Perhaps she’d like to wear a watch on the other one.”
“S’no good.”
“Why not?”
“That one got caught in the blender too.”
“She’s a bit accident prone then.”
“You could say that.”
“Okay, I gotta ask. How the hell did she get both hands into a blender?”
“Hey, she’s not an idiot. She didn’t do them both at the same time.”

Some things change

Trevor shook the hand firmly of his friend he hadn’t seen in years.

“How the hell are ya mate?”

“Bloody Trevor Rivers, fancy bumping in to you. When did the tumble weed blow you into town?”

“Just yesterday mate, came in to catch up with the Old Man.”

“So, how is he? I must pop in and see him. I haven’t been to his place in years. I bet it’s still the same and nothing’s changed?”

“Well, you’re in for a shock then.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…” Says Trevor with a wry smile.

“He’s moved the microwave.”

The conjurer
The audience were enraptured. They squealed and clapped in delight at every display, every new trick.

He pulled endless coloured silks tied together from his trouser pocket. A loose piece of string stood straight in the air. A white dove emerged from under his jacket and flew into the sky. The kiddies squealed in delight.

Sally was immensely proud. She had invited her little Tristan’s school friends and rich society mums for his seventh birthday party. This was certainly a great way to announce your entry as the new family into the neighbourhood.

She had found the magician’s flyer on the supermarket noticeboard. She rang his mobile and here he was.

He collected all of the mum’s watches and jewellery and wrapped them in a cloth. He waved his magic wand over them. A large bang and flash of light drew gasps from the crowd.

And then he disappeared.

Sermon

The words were there the whole time, bubbling away behind his teeth as he held them clenched, a furious tide of vitriol that could barely be contained by that calcium-clad dam. The rest of them, they just stared in his direction, held in the suspended animation of those on tenterhooks, expressions frozen in the rictus of fear.
What was this message he was about to pronounce, and how would it change their outlook on the very nature of their own existence? He stood, knuckles white against the wood grain of his armrests, and with a final desperate heave of his ribcage, the dam broke.
GETTHEFUGOFFOFMYLAWNYOULITTLESHITS!
Running, the local kids couldn’t help but feel that Old Man McCoy had more to say.
Wisely, they decided to leave that for another time.

Ends and means

“But it’s what you wanted.”
Just like that, without irony, without malice, without joy.
“It’s yours now.”

He gestured to the red-brown sky, heavy with smoke and sunset. On the horizon, another bomb went off – anonymous at that great distance.

“But I didn’t… I wasn’t…” My eyes were continually drawn to the horizon, and that sky. “This isn’t what I meant!”

He shrugged. “Too late now. It’s yours.” He nodded towards the key hidden nestled inside my clenched fist.

“Maybe you can work out how to lock it again. Anyway…”
He started to shimmer, like a badly-tuned old TV set.

“Please…” I reached for his wrist, his lapel, something to keep him here with me. But my fingers just closed on air, and rich, red smoke. He was gone.

On the horizon, another distant explosion – and the sun sank, exhausted, beneath the skyline.

Always choose treat
Jason walked up the footpath with his usual swagger, his mates lagging a few steps behind. He leaped up the stairs in one bound.

“I’ll show you how it’s done,” he boasted as he smacked loudly on door.

“Go away,” came a muffled voice behind the door.
Jason kept banging until he heard footsteps pounding towards the door.

It swung open revealing a skinny, tired looking old man.

“What?”
“Trick or Treat?” asked Jason.

The man stood- staring at Jason for a good twenty seconds.

Then said:
“Trick.”
“Tight arse,” Jason mumbled and in one fast motion thrust out his hand which palmed an egg and slammed it into the man’s forehead.

“There,” shouted Jason and turned to run.

The man shot Jason in the back five times before he made it down the stairs.

Saturday 4 December 2010

Arty people I know and respect Part 6- Simon Sherry

This is the continuing series of great and giving artist I have collaborated with in the past and in some cases - still working with.

Simon Sherry a local Melbourne artist whose unbridled enthusiasm and natural leadership ability has created some marvelous pieces of work as well as masterminding some serious group activities regardless of the over the chasm that is the world wide web

Simon’s distinctive style has seen him win competitions in T Shirt design as far away as ol’ London town and become a popular seller on the Red Bubble art site.

His work ranges in style from his very controlled and structured Killbot series through to him much more random and dynamic Full Deck series, with space for some more child friendly work in between.


Simon has several interviews on the net and give a great insight into his influences and favourites.

My work with Simon began with the mighty Game of Kings project which Simon instigated after gathering together some of his favourite local artists and had the vision to expand on his original idea of “just” Chess pieces to a complex and visually stunning series.


Starting with 8 artists creating the White army , myself as writer and Simon doing all of the Black army it has grown to include 22 artists joining together to create a story of an incredible battle in a celestial field between two implausible armies.
The first series was successful critically and sold a modest amount of clothing whereas the next phase will be more poster/ card/ wall art driven thus giving the artist more freedom in size, colour and theme.

Some previous interviews with Simon (including mine) that give a great look at what inspires, influences and makes this talented guy tick.



The Damian Mason Blog

Visual Crash

The Game of Kings Part 1

The Game of Kings Part 2

Monday 29 November 2010

Gap Band "Disrespect"

Another cartoon video by a real band, I like this because they give Prince a serve because of past discretions between band members and the "purple one"
Has a "Fat Albert" feel about it.


Monday 15 November 2010

More Virtual bands the world forgot

Vbirds was a virtual girl band created by Cartoon Network UK in 2002 and aired a 6 minute episode (as well as a dance show, called VBirds; Perfect) that was going to be picked up as a series, but was cancelled. The band's only single Virtuality was a hit in early 2003, but the band disappeared. There are no further plans to revive it as of now.

For anyone interested the members were:

Boom:She is perhaps the most witty and energetic member of the group, although she can also be very bad tempered at the worst of times. Boom is able to create pulsating balls of colour that can be thrown around, by blowing a kiss into her hand. This gives her a knack for decoration.
Wow:The oldest out of all the VBirds, as well as the most mature. Her powers give her a calming influence on those around her, including people and animals, allowing her to keep most arguments under control.
Bling:She is the most fashionable one of the girls, and can easily show it by using her powers to create new costumes for the group in an instant. Although this ability comes in handy for the group during performances, she prefers to use it in her free time to annoy the other girls.
D:Lin:She is the youngest in the group, and with green skin she stands out more than the other VBirds. D:Lin love nothing more than DJ'ing whenever the group is not performing, and she is also able to use records as throwing weapons whenever the occasion calls for it.

Friday 5 November 2010

Paleofuture

Anyone who is a regular visitor will have noticed I have a link to Paleofuture.
It's wonderful site . Matt Novak does a wonderful job digging up all kinds of ancient future predicting gems.
This is his new video magazine.
Very entertaining and I suggest you subscribe.

Friday 29 October 2010

My new Twilight merchandise.


Twilight.
A series of books embraced by teenagers (predominantly female) and women everywhere. This series was immensely popular – still is – it was almost as if something needed to fill the massive hole left after the Harry Potter series wound up.
Now I’m not against popular authors, some of my favourites are Crichton, King and Grisham and anything that gets the kiddies reading is always a good thing as far as I’m concerned.
But, (there’s always the but) the mania that follows these publications when a movie gets made almost makes you want to leave the country.
Especially when the house one lives in is also inhabited by females, the majority being teenagers.
It becomes a Circus.
Twilight if you have been living on Mars for last couple of years is the story of a young lass who falls in love with a Vampire, who can tolerate sunlight and sparkle. Somehow she gets into a love triangle with the Vampire and a Werewolf and…. Forget ..just read the books.
Boronia Library has heaps of copies.
Recently the third installment of the Twilight series “Eclipse” was released and there was the usual hysteria. The local cinema the Metro had to show special presentations running at Midnight  with a double feature of the two previous films in the series shown before the big event .
I don’t know why because most of the fans buy the DVD’s as soon as they are released and have watched them a million times.
In some states in the United States fans camped outside cinemas for days before hand  so much was the anticipation, I’m not sure if it was as bad here.
Now this brings me around to the main point of this article.
Films made from books and the actors that play the parts.

When an incredibly popular book series like the Twilight series is made into a movie, it’s usually because it’s sold a gazillion copies and the movie studios of course capitalize.
It always amazes me that when the movies are released (and they do this with the Harry Potter films) why do they advertise as if the film holds secrets that no one will have a snow balls chance in hell of guessing unless they see the movie? I’m pretty sure most of the females in Australia and possibly the Western world know who Bella ends up hooking up with.
Recently the star from the movie, Kristen Stewart who plays female lead Bella came to these shores recently for promotion purposes, scamping behind her was her co star Taylor Lautner who has been gaining bigger parts with each movie.
Robert Patterson who plays the male lead Edward couldn’t make it because he needed more sparkles or something.
Anyway put any of these three in front of the fans and they go berserk.
Hysteria not unlike Beatlemaia breaks out and any sense of reality goes with it.
I suppose every teenage boy would look at Robert Patterson and then the girl he has crush on and going dribbling silly over this pasty , stone faced bag of skin and bones and wonder what they have to do to get noticed.
I can empathize, when I was a lot younger a girl I liked had an unnatural crush on the drummer from the Bay City Rollers, something I couldn’t fathom and couldn’t compete even though he was married lived in another hemisphere and was as ugly as anything.
I recently went back on the internet to confirm this and yes he still looks like he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
As for Kristen “ Misery Guts” Stewart, one of the main things  she is renown for is her hatred of her celebrity status. What does one expect when you’re the star of one of the biggest franchises of the decade and you’re young and single? The world will ignore you? Actually I wonder what would happen if it did? She’d probably change her tune.
As for the Taylor Lautner fella, I like him , he smiled a lot and signed autographs, apparently he still lives at home with Mum and Dad. (and he’s really good at Martial arts)
I have a house littered with Twilight merchandise (I suppose it could be worse it could be Justin Beiber) and with every movie it is thankfully getting less frantic and annoying and since some of the things are becoming passed there use by date I can do something I’ve wanted to do for some time.
Create my own anti Twilight merchandise.
This is my first. I call it the:
How to make parents happy and end the series early Edward”doll or the Deadward.


Originally published in the BBCN August 2010
(c) words & photos Shidot Prod.




Friday 22 October 2010

The Purple Filth

These are  a couple of clips from a Cartoon Network show The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy (i think)
The first is the Purple Filth playing as themselves.
You have to love the armpit farter.


The second is some mash up video using some other bands song.
I just like the music.
It's "Into The Darkness" by SPF1000 if your interested made by Artifactconcept


Saturday 16 October 2010

All I can say is .......

All I can say is it's about time.
All this pissing around was getting boring.

LINK



Bits of background

Something fanboys made up 3 years ago.

Monday 4 October 2010

Cartoon Cat & Mice through History

Originally featured at Robert Berry's most excellent RETROCRUSH site.
This version is slightly edited.
I strongly recommend this site to all fans of things 50s thru to 90s counter culture.


The fictional depictions of cat vs. mouse is  a long tradition that spans nearly 100 years. From early comic strips to modern cartoons, there’s something elemental and simple about a cat chasing a mouse around. There’s something about the mouse that we can all identify with. Most of us have a cat of some sort in our life that’s trying to get us, be it an overbearing parent, a school bully, or perhaps the government.
Perhaps the earliest illustrated example of this was the wonderful Krazy Kat, which had an often bizarre storyline of the title character having a crush on the Ignatz Mouse. Krazy’s efforts would typically be thwarted with a brick thrown to the head. This is certainly not a relationship formula that was duplicated again, but it may be the earliest fictional account of struggles between these two species. The strip began in 1913 and was published for over 30 straight years.
But it’s really Tom and Jerry that got the ball rolling on the modern day cat hunting the mouse tradition. Created by the immortal William Hanna and Joseph Barbera in 1940, the duo produced more than 100 short features for MGM in the 18 years that followed. These cartoons set the standard for wonderful cartoon violence that’s still imitated to this day.
I didn’t like Tom and Jerry much as a kid, and though they were kind of boring, but looking back on them now, I can appreciate how beautifully animated they were and complex their relationship was when compared to their copies. Tom and Jerry were sometimes best buddies, and sometimes Jerry was in the wrong, so there at least was some variety to their antics.
Herman and Katnip first appeared together in 1950 and though they were an obvious swipe ofTom and Jerry, they were often more crazy and violent. The theme song was pretty fun, as well. I first watched these as a part of The New Casper Cartoon Show in the late ’70s/early ’80s and saw them in other Harvey Comics, but I didn’t realize that they existed as toons before Harvey bought them in the late ’50s (along with Baby Huey).
Tweety Bird and Sylvester were a bird/cat variant on the theme, and though the duo first appeared together in 1947, they had individual cartoon appearances prior to that. Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote debuted a year later taking the tried and true animal formula and running with it.
In 1958, Tom and Jerry’s creators threw an extra mouse into the mix when they launched the shorts of the awkwardly titled Pixie and Dixie and Mr. Jinks as a backup feature for the Huckleberry Hound cartoon. The episodes were largely forgettable save for Mr. Jinks great catchphrase of “I hate you meeses to pieces!”

Of course, no look at great cat and mouse combos can be done without wrapping it up with the Tom and Jerry on speed tribute The Itchy and Scratchy Show, which was a toon within a toon ofThe Simpsons. With outrageous titles like “Flay Me To The Moon”, “Planet of the Aches”, and “Why Do Fools Fall In Lava?”, the shorts are some of the most insane and gleefully violent variations on the formula to have ever been shown.
There’s something elemental and basic about two animals chasing and/or beating the crap out of each other that transcends the ages. I’m sure some form of cat vs. mouse abuse in media will exist in some form for the next 100 years.

Monday 20 September 2010

More intresting articles from the magazines found under the lino


Mary discovered if she pushed this button food kept coming out. If she pressed the one on the left a small dead animal would appear in the back yard pond.







When Jane’s husband realised she had a “hobby” he kicked down the closet door and threatened to shoot the refrigerator in protest.









Silly Joan thought she was popular at the masquerade party because of her stunning hat not because she forgot her top.









Katherine refused to come down to the party because her new dress clashed with the carpet.









Margaret remembered just in time that she didn’t have clean underwear on in case she was in an accident.






These three ladies demonstrate the latest in pre marital sex accessories: The Gloves.







This young lass just enjoying the whole new exciting world that had opened up to her on the discovery of the “blow job”








*originally posted on redbubble.com Nov 4 2009

Monday 6 September 2010

Something I found in the kitchen while replacing the lino.

The Ladies Home Journal September 1949 edition.
New and exciting kitchen accessories and meals to serve for the latest “Cannibal” craze.



With the onset of the cold war and the threat of mass nuclear annihilation the everyday housewife has turned her thoughts and attention to the possible scenarios that may present themselves if such an event occurs,
Feeding the family is always the most important thing these modern day marvels are contemplating and the latest appliances to do these tasty treats isn’t far behind in personal priority.



With the threat of a nuclear winter blocking out the sun and poisoning the ground, cannibalism has taken a strong hold as firm favourite thus creating this wacky but popular new fad.




A dual freezer and cook top for basement use which can be fired using offal and calcium deposits (bones for you slow learners) If you feel lonely you can keep yourself some company with the glass doors.


Lending a hand in the kitchen takes on a whole new meaning with these new designer serving dishes.

Anyone for chinese?

Next week:
Bleeding apparatus and boning implements

*originally posted on redbubble.com Oct 22 2009

Wednesday 1 September 2010

More Steampunk Goodmess

Steam punk magazine link

Finger stylus

Cool mask

Steam punk cake

Mask

Steam punk guitar

Steam punk Rhino beetle

Stam punk USB

Diesel punk car


Lego model

Steam Punk room
Steam Punkers

Monday 16 August 2010

Funky Steam Punk Figurines

This wonderful figure was created by KidAkira his name is PROFESSOR KURT VON KESSLER is a one-of-a-kind custom 1/6th-scaled figure submitted for the '"Create a Futuristic Space Villain"-contest on OneSixthWarriors with Go Hero. As you can see there is some wonderful detail happening here.



Kidakira is also responsible for this little piece of Steampunkery as well.
All info for this post taken from the TOYSREVIL blog