Friday, 29 October 2010

My new Twilight merchandise.


Twilight.
A series of books embraced by teenagers (predominantly female) and women everywhere. This series was immensely popular – still is – it was almost as if something needed to fill the massive hole left after the Harry Potter series wound up.
Now I’m not against popular authors, some of my favourites are Crichton, King and Grisham and anything that gets the kiddies reading is always a good thing as far as I’m concerned.
But, (there’s always the but) the mania that follows these publications when a movie gets made almost makes you want to leave the country.
Especially when the house one lives in is also inhabited by females, the majority being teenagers.
It becomes a Circus.
Twilight if you have been living on Mars for last couple of years is the story of a young lass who falls in love with a Vampire, who can tolerate sunlight and sparkle. Somehow she gets into a love triangle with the Vampire and a Werewolf and…. Forget ..just read the books.
Boronia Library has heaps of copies.
Recently the third installment of the Twilight series “Eclipse” was released and there was the usual hysteria. The local cinema the Metro had to show special presentations running at Midnight  with a double feature of the two previous films in the series shown before the big event .
I don’t know why because most of the fans buy the DVD’s as soon as they are released and have watched them a million times.
In some states in the United States fans camped outside cinemas for days before hand  so much was the anticipation, I’m not sure if it was as bad here.
Now this brings me around to the main point of this article.
Films made from books and the actors that play the parts.

When an incredibly popular book series like the Twilight series is made into a movie, it’s usually because it’s sold a gazillion copies and the movie studios of course capitalize.
It always amazes me that when the movies are released (and they do this with the Harry Potter films) why do they advertise as if the film holds secrets that no one will have a snow balls chance in hell of guessing unless they see the movie? I’m pretty sure most of the females in Australia and possibly the Western world know who Bella ends up hooking up with.
Recently the star from the movie, Kristen Stewart who plays female lead Bella came to these shores recently for promotion purposes, scamping behind her was her co star Taylor Lautner who has been gaining bigger parts with each movie.
Robert Patterson who plays the male lead Edward couldn’t make it because he needed more sparkles or something.
Anyway put any of these three in front of the fans and they go berserk.
Hysteria not unlike Beatlemaia breaks out and any sense of reality goes with it.
I suppose every teenage boy would look at Robert Patterson and then the girl he has crush on and going dribbling silly over this pasty , stone faced bag of skin and bones and wonder what they have to do to get noticed.
I can empathize, when I was a lot younger a girl I liked had an unnatural crush on the drummer from the Bay City Rollers, something I couldn’t fathom and couldn’t compete even though he was married lived in another hemisphere and was as ugly as anything.
I recently went back on the internet to confirm this and yes he still looks like he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
As for Kristen “ Misery Guts” Stewart, one of the main things  she is renown for is her hatred of her celebrity status. What does one expect when you’re the star of one of the biggest franchises of the decade and you’re young and single? The world will ignore you? Actually I wonder what would happen if it did? She’d probably change her tune.
As for the Taylor Lautner fella, I like him , he smiled a lot and signed autographs, apparently he still lives at home with Mum and Dad. (and he’s really good at Martial arts)
I have a house littered with Twilight merchandise (I suppose it could be worse it could be Justin Beiber) and with every movie it is thankfully getting less frantic and annoying and since some of the things are becoming passed there use by date I can do something I’ve wanted to do for some time.
Create my own anti Twilight merchandise.
This is my first. I call it the:
How to make parents happy and end the series early Edward”doll or the Deadward.


Originally published in the BBCN August 2010
(c) words & photos Shidot Prod.




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