Monday, 16 August 2010

Funky Steam Punk Figurines

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This wonderful figure was created by KidAkira his name is PROFESSOR KURT VON KESSLER is a one-of-a-kind custom 1/6th-scaled figure submitted for the '"Create a Futuristic Space Villain"-contest on OneSixthWarriors with Go Hero. As you can see there is some wonderful detail happening here.



Kidakira is also responsible for this little piece of Steampunkery as well.
All info for this post taken from the TOYSREVIL blog

Monday, 9 August 2010

Unpublished works by the great artists: Quentin Tarantino

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This is a draft copy of  what Quentin Tarantino offered the Movie Studios for his modern take on Alice In Wonderland . Shortly after Tim Burton did his presentation that would feature Johnny Depp and it went on to make millions.

You can see why Burton's was chosen.

ALICE IN HELL


Alice woke to the acrid smell of burning hair and something else she couldn’t place.
As she rubbed her eyes a small figure ran passed her shrieking in pain, flames had engulfed it’s whole body.
“White Rabbit?” Alice said to herself as the running burning figure ran on for another fifty yards and fell down on the ground writhing all the time continuing it’s soul piercing screams.
“Curiouser and curiouser” mused Alice.
Alice got to her feet and noticed her little bib apron was stained with blood, in her small pocket were some sulfur matches.
She put them back and made a point to remember them for later.
Somehow this wasn’t the Wonderland she had visited before. It was dark and colourless, there was an unnatural smell like when Father had been to the outhouse before her.
Alice walked over to now smoldering lump that she thought was the White Rabbit and as she did the ground she stepped on crackled like broken glass and sticks. When she looked down it was more like broken glass and bones, at least it wasn’t muddy thought Alice.
Something glistened on the dull ground, Alice picked up a large knife.
“May come in handy” she said.
“Careful”
Alice looked around to see where the voice came from, all thoughts of the White Rabbit had vanished now that the screaming had stopped.
“Don’t want to slip and be all hurtful” came the voice again.
Alice turned and in a hollow hidden by a large bush was a large pile of bones next to a tree, within it’s bark body there seemed to be a face that was silently snarling at her.
“Up here my dear”


Alice looked up to see a large cat with three tails grinning down at her.
“A talking cat, how’s that, are surprised because it’s not what you surmised?”
asked the cat.
“No, not really I’ve seen one before, he was the Cheshire cat and looked a lot like you” replied Alice.

“Well I’m not it, you silly little twit,
 that cat’s dead and I’m here instead”

“My you are rude” said Alice “Why are there so many bones?”

“Because of the slaughter, human’s daughter”

“What?”

“Too hard to explain, too much pain,
 now leave us alone to be with our bones”

“Curiouser and curiouser” mused Alice.

“Look , just fuck off will you” yelled the cat.

Alice left the rude cat and silly faced tree to continue down the path of bones and glass and it wasn’t long until she came upon a crop of grey mushrooms. Seeing one of the mushrooms swaying a bit she grabbed the edge and on her tippy toes looked up to see what was there.


Alice quickly dropped down as the most unpleasant smell assaulted her nostrils.
“Pwoo- whee” she said. It was kind of like the outhouse smell but covered up by the most awful perfume.
“Please don’t leave” came a pitiful voice from above. “I’m ever so lonely”
and it trailed off to some miserable sobbing.
Alice took a deep breath and lifted herself up to peek on top of the mushroom.
Sitting there was a large poo spraying it self with a cologne bottle.
The poo was disgusting, all slimy with chucky bits all over it’s body, it had two skinny arms and a face that was one of the saddest Alice had ever seen in her short life.
“Hello” said Alice then ducking down to catch a quick breath.
“Hello dearie, won’t you stay for awhile and chat?” the poo said
“Who are you?” asked Alice quickly, seeing the need to keep the time her mouth was open to be as short as possible.
“I am Lord Effluent, made by the invader of the all the goodness he had in his soul”
“Why the perfume? Asked Alice as she ducked down for another quick gulp of fresh air.
“To hide my terrible stench, the invader was not a good man and his essence of good was nearly non existent, I use this cologne to cover the horrible stink so I can meet and hopefully talk to people as you can see I cannot travel far” explained the poo Lord.
“Sorry, it doesn’t work” said Alice and ran away before the urge to vomit became too strong.

As Alice started to slow down from her run she could here laughter over the cracking and splintering of the glass and bones she trod on, she stopped to get a better listen.
“I know that voice” she said aloud.
Alice followed the hysterical laughing and as she drew closer the dark thick bushes flanking the path open up to reveal an open dale with a large table set for dinner and there in all the mad glory (though their clothes were quite drab) sat the Hatter and March Hare.
“Hello again” announced Alice
The laughing stopped as the two occupants of the table stared at Alice intensely.
“Don’t you remember me? It’s Alice” Alice explained.
“Uhh, no , not really” said the Hatter and burst into fits of laughter.
“You may as well sit down and have a cuppa then” said the March Hare and gestured to a comfy chair at the end of the table.
Alice sat down in the big chair, meanwhile the other two had continued on talking gibberish and giggling between themselves,.
“Are you sure you don’t remember me?”
The two stopped talking looked long and hard at Alice and both said
“ No”
and they continued doing what they were doing.
“Well then, where’s Dormouse?” asked Alice.


The Hatter and Hare separated to reveal Dormouse lying between them.
A stream of blood was now visible running to the edge. Dormouse’s head had been caved to the point where grey matter was running down with the blood..
“My goodness” gasped Alice.
“Yes, we got sick of trying to wake him up “ said the March Hare “ We didn’t realize he was dead until all the stuff started leaking out between his ears”
“He is starting to pong a bit, isn’t he Haee?” said the Hatter
“Certainly is, let’s fix it” replied the Hare


And both Hatter and Hare grabbed Dormouse and stuffed him into a tea pot.
During her time at the table Alice had inadvertently started to play with the knife she had found and had come over with the most powerful urge to do the Hatter and Hare as they had done to poor Dormouse.
“Stop that you horrible beasts, what happened to you” Alice cried.
The Hatter and Hare let the Teapot complete with stuffed Dormouse crash to the ground and pondered Alice’s question.
“Well it was all your fault really” said Hare
“Yes, when you went away last time you left the door open” said Hatter
“You left the door open and we were invaded”
“Invaded by nasty people”
“Who raped the Queen”
“Killed the King”
“Murdered the Army” said the Hare pointing to all the bones.
“How did you not get harmed?” asked Alice
“Simple, we told the invader who the bad ones were and who to watch out for” they both replied.
“So who’s left then?” demanded Alice
The two thought about it for a moment and relied in unison.
“The Hatter, the Hare that some silly cat and some thing that smells something awful.”
“But I thought saw the White Rabbit earlier” said Alice
“Oh I thought you meant who is left now” answered the Hare.
“All the people who lived here, all the people I met on my adventures, all dead?” said Alice her voice rising
“Yep. Pretty much” said the Hatter.
With that Alice grabbed her knife and ran crying from the table.

“Strange girl” said the Hare
“Yes very” replied the Hatter and preceded to kick the teapot around that housed the body of Dormouse.
“Wake up” they both cried and broke out in hysterical laughter.

Alice ran back down the path and as she traveled the bushes and scrub closed in around the path again. The path of bones and glass never seemed to run out, constantly cracking and smashing under her shoes.

After what seemed like a very long time Alice wanted to rest but couldn’t find anywhere to sit down because of the path and thick thorny bushes, she wished she had of taken the chair from the Hatter and Hare.
Alice’s legs were growing very tied.
Then as if by demand the path opened upon another clearing this time free of bones.
Alice noiced someone standing at the other end and instantly recognized either Tweedle dee or dum – she was never really sure which was which- Alice made her way over to where he was standing.
“Hello, hello , they said no one was left”
He didn’t answer, as Alice drew closer she understood why.

The heads of Tweedledee and Tweedledum had been grafted onto one body or so she thought because as she came closer it was more noticeable that both had been cut in half (save their heads) and stitched back together again.
Their blank lifeless eyes staring forward.
Their body had been tied to a tree.


Alice collapsed onto the ground and cried.
Not knowing what to do next Alice headed back to the Mad Hatter and Hare’s table.
Hopefully she could something to eat, but making a note not to eat the cake with any labels.
When she made her way back to the clearing she found the table had been disturbed and instead of Hatter and Hare there was only the Hatter’s head resting on a plate, his body lying in the bones next to the table. Hare was nowhere to be seen.
Alice was angry, there was no food left on the table, so she angrily went and sat in the comfy chair at the end of the table.
“Goodness me what can I do now?” she asked herself.
“Well you could make me a cup of tea”


Alice looked down to see the Hatter’s head still on the plate looking at her waiting for a response.
Alice started to scream.



“Will you please stop her screaming” demanded the Colonel
Alice’s big sister and Nanny were trying to calm Alice down as she lay on the carpet in the middle of her bedroom where they had found here twenty minutes earlier.
The Colonel and his wife were hosting a very important dinner down stars and Alice’s screaming had ruined the whole evening.
It was something one did not do in polite society. People downstairs were starting to leave.
“I have to get down there and stop people leaving, you two fix this problem” and the Colonel stormed out.
“This is your fault” said the Nanny
“How am I responsible “ said Alice’s big sister more than a touch angry.
“You keep taking her down to the pine tree to read and get her out of the house”
“So?”
“The Pine trees where those funny mushrooms grow that you sell to your friends.....”
"Oh!"
".....she came up here looking for some but stuck into your acid instead"
“Oh yeah…..ummmm………quite little one….. quite Alice”


(c)2010 SHIDOT Prod.




Monday, 2 August 2010

THE I AM THE BAND CHALLENGE WINNER - SAD PANDA PART TWO

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The winning entry of the Red Bubble A.R.S.E Group I AM THE BAND Challenge
Written and designed by the mysterious IWML from Melbourne Australia, the story begins in the 1990s with an interview with the Nihilistic Norwegian Black Metal Band SAD PANDA and its members
Bambucifer, Chaosbear & Ailuropoda Melancholia
They go onto break up and release solo projects only to reform under another guise missing a member.
It's all intrigue, bad manners and rock n roll.
This blog will run the complete saga over the next couple of weeks as part of the prizes awarded for such conceptual brilliance.
IMWL is responsible for all writing, art, animation and music and is a deserving winner.


AFTER SAD PANDA DECIDED TO SPLIT IT KEPT TRUE TO ITS PROMISE AND BECAME THREE DIFFERENT ENTITIES.



Chaosbear became ETERNAL CANDLESHADOW OF THE NEKRODEMONCHALICE (Faces The True Desolation Of Sacrificial Grimskulls In The Moonforest Of The Thronegoat)


The album



Ailuropoda Melancholia became DISAPPOINTED MARMOSET



The album




Bambucifer became BLACKSOIL



The album



ALL SONGS BY ALL THREE BANDS CAN BE HEARD HERE AS WELL AS CLASSIC SAD PANDA SONGS

The things went quiet for awhile until METALVANKER Magazine chased the legends down.

THEN FOLLOWING THIS ISSUE IWML CAME UP WITH SOME DELICIOUS GOSSIP.

"..... this is not the place for such whimsical nostalgia – this the place for ACTION. and the latest ACTION on the SAD PANDA front is a series of strange rumours i’ve heard around the traps lately. the first is something i read in the METAL VANKER MAGAZINE special, something about how ‘the boys might be getting the band back together again’. but this totally contradicts a rumour written in the VERY SAME MAGAZINE, which insisted that Bambucifer would NEVER play with SAD PANDA again. so which is true? clearly ONE of them must be false at very least.


just as bamboozling was the rumour i heard the other day from a friend (an old friend of Gustav Zeugenschnapper’s actually (yes, THE Gustav Zeugenschnapper!) – but now i’m just name-dropping). this particular rumour speculated that Chaosbear had been seen lurking around with infamous Swiss black industrial figurehead, NEKROSVEN (you may know him better as ‘Sven Axel von Perssensensen’, from seminal Swiss black industrial bands ‘Steel Eye Hammer’ and ‘Shadow on The Ice’). so… what’s going on here? beats me. but it could be exciting! imagine, the band back together… with NEKROSVEN producing! maybe he could even convince them to record another song???? i know this kinda stuff doesn’t excite many of you, but i for one, am virtually DROOLING over the possibilities…


anyway. that’s all. i shouldn’t get so excited. i mean, Bambucifer has already stated many times that he’ll never play the bass again, let alone with SAD PANDA. but still… with rumours like these, it’s hard not to hope.


i guess only time will tell…"

THEN AS IF WAITING AN ANNOUNCEMENT THIS APPEARED

for those of you who don’t know NEKROSVEN, here’s a poster from the ‘SHADOW ON THE ICE’ fanboy special from an issue of METAL VANKER from a year or so ago.

OF COURSE THINGS BEGAN TO HEAT UP WHEN BIOGRAPHER IWML RELEASED THIS PRESS RELEASE:

".......in panda-related news… well, i THINK i’m happy – but part of me is worried. turns out the rumours were ALL correct… SAD PANDA is reforming! now, this news would normally have made my HEAD EXPLODE with joy… but it appears Bambucifer WILL NOT be rejoining the band on bass.


apparently, he insists that being in a band is ‘too much of the funnytimes, too much laughy laughs and party party, FUCK that, i will never party again’.


so what i hear now, is that SAD PANDA is recruiting Sven Axel von Perssensensen instead of Bambucifer… and that there will be ‘big changes coming to the band’.


so… what does THAT mean? i don’t want big changes – i just want the SAD PANDA of old to be back together again! big changes… plus the fact that NekroSven has never played a bass in his life, and makes a whole different style of music…


well… i’m kinda hopeful, kinda scared."

WELL IT CAME TO A HEAD SEVERAL DAYS LATER WITH THE RELEASE OF THIS PHOTO AND ARTICLE:


"OH MY LORDY ME… all the pieces of the puzzle come together.


SAD PANDA is not getting back together at all. Ailurpoda Melancholia and Chaosbear are forming a ‘hard-wave darktronika’ band (their description, not mine) which (and i quote) ‘extends the concept of SAD PANDA and confronts the robot machine interface of mortal existence’. whatever that means.


and NOW i understand the inexplicable. PAANDAAR ARE THE NEW SAD PANDA"

THIS IS THEIR FIRST SINGLE  MASTICATORY OBFUSCATION

THE ALBUM ARTWORK OF THE SOON TO BE RELEASED PAANDAAR ALBUM




SAD PANDA BIOGRAPHER IWML HAD THE LAST WORD ON THE WHOLE SAGA WITH THIS REVEALING EPILOGUE IN HIS LAST ARTICLE:

"now. on to more serious topics. as you probably all know, i’m still in shock about this whole ‘sad panda breaking up’ thing, let alone getting used to the idea that they’ve reformed as some terrible not-black-metal-AT-ALL post-gabba cyber-pop neo-industrial ‘darkwave’ band. so i’ve been listening to SAD PANDA’s old catalogue (granted, it’s only one song, but it is a LONG one) – and i think i’ve discovered something. something that could have been the kiss of doom, the cruel harbinger of destiny, the seal on the nail in the coffin of fate for the end of SAD PANDA – and that signals LOUD AND CLEAR that the bass-player, BAMBUCIFER, was already sick and tired of the black metal scene, even back then, when they recorded their one and only song.


this mystical, perplexing, why-didn’t-i-notice-it-before clue is this:


listen to “sad panda (stares into the abyss)” – at about 9 minutes and ten seconds, i SWEAR i can hear Bambucifer playing ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’. try to block out that atonal shrieking mess of guitars, and just concentrate on the bass part – tell me i’m wrong. it’s either ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ or ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’, but i’m 99% sure he’s playing fucken ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’! which is, i don’t need to tell you, is NOT VERY BLACK METAL.


NOT VERY BLACK METAL


so. it all makes more sense to me now – why he split up the band. why he refuses to rejoin. why he has let it turn into some god-awful ‘commercial’ blackcore disco band, in the hands of someone like NEKROSVEN – because, even back in the legendary early days of SAD PANDA, and on their ONE OFFICIAL RECORDING, Bambucifer really didn’t give a shit about black metal.


and how black metal is that!! AWESOME! i mean, ‘not giving a shit’ is the CORE of TRUE KVLT NEKRO BLACK METAL!!!! throw those horns NOW!


he is my new hero."

PostScript:
SAD PANDA  FAMILY TREE