Monday, 9 August 2010

Unpublished works by the great artists: Quentin Tarantino

This is a draft copy of  what Quentin Tarantino offered the Movie Studios for his modern take on Alice In Wonderland . Shortly after Tim Burton did his presentation that would feature Johnny Depp and it went on to make millions.

You can see why Burton's was chosen.


Alice woke to the acrid smell of burning hair and something else she couldn’t place.
As she rubbed her eyes a small figure ran passed her shrieking in pain, flames had engulfed it’s whole body.
“White Rabbit?” Alice said to herself as the running burning figure ran on for another fifty yards and fell down on the ground writhing all the time continuing it’s soul piercing screams.
“Curiouser and curiouser” mused Alice.
Alice got to her feet and noticed her little bib apron was stained with blood, in her small pocket were some sulfur matches.
She put them back and made a point to remember them for later.
Somehow this wasn’t the Wonderland she had visited before. It was dark and colourless, there was an unnatural smell like when Father had been to the outhouse before her.
Alice walked over to now smoldering lump that she thought was the White Rabbit and as she did the ground she stepped on crackled like broken glass and sticks. When she looked down it was more like broken glass and bones, at least it wasn’t muddy thought Alice.
Something glistened on the dull ground, Alice picked up a large knife.
“May come in handy” she said.
Alice looked around to see where the voice came from, all thoughts of the White Rabbit had vanished now that the screaming had stopped.
“Don’t want to slip and be all hurtful” came the voice again.
Alice turned and in a hollow hidden by a large bush was a large pile of bones next to a tree, within it’s bark body there seemed to be a face that was silently snarling at her.
“Up here my dear”

Alice looked up to see a large cat with three tails grinning down at her.
“A talking cat, how’s that, are surprised because it’s not what you surmised?”
asked the cat.
“No, not really I’ve seen one before, he was the Cheshire cat and looked a lot like you” replied Alice.

“Well I’m not it, you silly little twit,
 that cat’s dead and I’m here instead”

“My you are rude” said Alice “Why are there so many bones?”

“Because of the slaughter, human’s daughter”


“Too hard to explain, too much pain,
 now leave us alone to be with our bones”

“Curiouser and curiouser” mused Alice.

“Look , just fuck off will you” yelled the cat.

Alice left the rude cat and silly faced tree to continue down the path of bones and glass and it wasn’t long until she came upon a crop of grey mushrooms. Seeing one of the mushrooms swaying a bit she grabbed the edge and on her tippy toes looked up to see what was there.

Alice quickly dropped down as the most unpleasant smell assaulted her nostrils.
“Pwoo- whee” she said. It was kind of like the outhouse smell but covered up by the most awful perfume.
“Please don’t leave” came a pitiful voice from above. “I’m ever so lonely”
and it trailed off to some miserable sobbing.
Alice took a deep breath and lifted herself up to peek on top of the mushroom.
Sitting there was a large poo spraying it self with a cologne bottle.
The poo was disgusting, all slimy with chucky bits all over it’s body, it had two skinny arms and a face that was one of the saddest Alice had ever seen in her short life.
“Hello” said Alice then ducking down to catch a quick breath.
“Hello dearie, won’t you stay for awhile and chat?” the poo said
“Who are you?” asked Alice quickly, seeing the need to keep the time her mouth was open to be as short as possible.
“I am Lord Effluent, made by the invader of the all the goodness he had in his soul”
“Why the perfume? Asked Alice as she ducked down for another quick gulp of fresh air.
“To hide my terrible stench, the invader was not a good man and his essence of good was nearly non existent, I use this cologne to cover the horrible stink so I can meet and hopefully talk to people as you can see I cannot travel far” explained the poo Lord.
“Sorry, it doesn’t work” said Alice and ran away before the urge to vomit became too strong.

As Alice started to slow down from her run she could here laughter over the cracking and splintering of the glass and bones she trod on, she stopped to get a better listen.
“I know that voice” she said aloud.
Alice followed the hysterical laughing and as she drew closer the dark thick bushes flanking the path open up to reveal an open dale with a large table set for dinner and there in all the mad glory (though their clothes were quite drab) sat the Hatter and March Hare.
“Hello again” announced Alice
The laughing stopped as the two occupants of the table stared at Alice intensely.
“Don’t you remember me? It’s Alice” Alice explained.
“Uhh, no , not really” said the Hatter and burst into fits of laughter.
“You may as well sit down and have a cuppa then” said the March Hare and gestured to a comfy chair at the end of the table.
Alice sat down in the big chair, meanwhile the other two had continued on talking gibberish and giggling between themselves,.
“Are you sure you don’t remember me?”
The two stopped talking looked long and hard at Alice and both said
“ No”
and they continued doing what they were doing.
“Well then, where’s Dormouse?” asked Alice.

The Hatter and Hare separated to reveal Dormouse lying between them.
A stream of blood was now visible running to the edge. Dormouse’s head had been caved to the point where grey matter was running down with the blood..
“My goodness” gasped Alice.
“Yes, we got sick of trying to wake him up “ said the March Hare “ We didn’t realize he was dead until all the stuff started leaking out between his ears”
“He is starting to pong a bit, isn’t he Haee?” said the Hatter
“Certainly is, let’s fix it” replied the Hare

And both Hatter and Hare grabbed Dormouse and stuffed him into a tea pot.
During her time at the table Alice had inadvertently started to play with the knife she had found and had come over with the most powerful urge to do the Hatter and Hare as they had done to poor Dormouse.
“Stop that you horrible beasts, what happened to you” Alice cried.
The Hatter and Hare let the Teapot complete with stuffed Dormouse crash to the ground and pondered Alice’s question.
“Well it was all your fault really” said Hare
“Yes, when you went away last time you left the door open” said Hatter
“You left the door open and we were invaded”
“Invaded by nasty people”
“Who raped the Queen”
“Killed the King”
“Murdered the Army” said the Hare pointing to all the bones.
“How did you not get harmed?” asked Alice
“Simple, we told the invader who the bad ones were and who to watch out for” they both replied.
“So who’s left then?” demanded Alice
The two thought about it for a moment and relied in unison.
“The Hatter, the Hare that some silly cat and some thing that smells something awful.”
“But I thought saw the White Rabbit earlier” said Alice
“Oh I thought you meant who is left now” answered the Hare.
“All the people who lived here, all the people I met on my adventures, all dead?” said Alice her voice rising
“Yep. Pretty much” said the Hatter.
With that Alice grabbed her knife and ran crying from the table.

“Strange girl” said the Hare
“Yes very” replied the Hatter and preceded to kick the teapot around that housed the body of Dormouse.
“Wake up” they both cried and broke out in hysterical laughter.

Alice ran back down the path and as she traveled the bushes and scrub closed in around the path again. The path of bones and glass never seemed to run out, constantly cracking and smashing under her shoes.

After what seemed like a very long time Alice wanted to rest but couldn’t find anywhere to sit down because of the path and thick thorny bushes, she wished she had of taken the chair from the Hatter and Hare.
Alice’s legs were growing very tied.
Then as if by demand the path opened upon another clearing this time free of bones.
Alice noiced someone standing at the other end and instantly recognized either Tweedle dee or dum – she was never really sure which was which- Alice made her way over to where he was standing.
“Hello, hello , they said no one was left”
He didn’t answer, as Alice drew closer she understood why.

The heads of Tweedledee and Tweedledum had been grafted onto one body or so she thought because as she came closer it was more noticeable that both had been cut in half (save their heads) and stitched back together again.
Their blank lifeless eyes staring forward.
Their body had been tied to a tree.

Alice collapsed onto the ground and cried.
Not knowing what to do next Alice headed back to the Mad Hatter and Hare’s table.
Hopefully she could something to eat, but making a note not to eat the cake with any labels.
When she made her way back to the clearing she found the table had been disturbed and instead of Hatter and Hare there was only the Hatter’s head resting on a plate, his body lying in the bones next to the table. Hare was nowhere to be seen.
Alice was angry, there was no food left on the table, so she angrily went and sat in the comfy chair at the end of the table.
“Goodness me what can I do now?” she asked herself.
“Well you could make me a cup of tea”

Alice looked down to see the Hatter’s head still on the plate looking at her waiting for a response.
Alice started to scream.

“Will you please stop her screaming” demanded the Colonel
Alice’s big sister and Nanny were trying to calm Alice down as she lay on the carpet in the middle of her bedroom where they had found here twenty minutes earlier.
The Colonel and his wife were hosting a very important dinner down stars and Alice’s screaming had ruined the whole evening.
It was something one did not do in polite society. People downstairs were starting to leave.
“I have to get down there and stop people leaving, you two fix this problem” and the Colonel stormed out.
“This is your fault” said the Nanny
“How am I responsible “ said Alice’s big sister more than a touch angry.
“You keep taking her down to the pine tree to read and get her out of the house”
“The Pine trees where those funny mushrooms grow that you sell to your friends.....”
".....she came up here looking for some but stuck into your acid instead"
“Oh yeah…..ummmm………quite little one….. quite Alice”

(c)2010 SHIDOT Prod.

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