Monday, 23 August 2010
From my deep dark past WOMBAT COMIX
Rat Tales Legends of the DreamtimeWritten and drwn between 1981 and 1983 and released in 1984 this comix was the product of my brother Joe and myself.It was a different time and place all together than today.
Monday, 16 August 2010
Funky Steam Punk Figurines
This wonderful figure was created by KidAkira his name is PROFESSOR KURT VON KESSLER is a one-of-a-kind custom 1/6th-scaled figure submitted for the '"Create a Futuristic Space Villain"-contest on OneSixthWarriors with Go Hero. As you can see there is some wonderful detail happening here.
All info for this post taken from the TOYSREVIL blog
Monday, 9 August 2010
Unpublished works by the great artists: Quentin Tarantino
This is a draft copy of what Quentin Tarantino offered the Movie Studios for his modern take on Alice In Wonderland . Shortly after Tim Burton did his presentation that would feature Johnny Depp and it went on to make millions.
You can see why Burton's was chosen.
ALICE IN HELL
Alice woke to the acrid smell of burning hair and something else she couldn’t place.
As she rubbed her eyes a small figure ran passed her shrieking in pain, flames had engulfed it’s whole body.
“White Rabbit?” Alice said to herself as the running burning figure ran on for another fifty yards and fell down on the ground writhing all the time continuing it’s soul piercing screams.
“Curiouser and curiouser” mused Alice.
Alice got to her feet and noticed her little bib apron was stained with blood, in her small pocket were some sulfur matches.
She put them back and made a point to remember them for later.
Somehow this wasn’t the Wonderland she had visited before. It was dark and colourless, there was an unnatural smell like when Father had been to the outhouse before her.
Alice walked over to now smoldering lump that she thought was the White Rabbit and as she did the ground she stepped on crackled like broken glass and sticks. When she looked down it was more like broken glass and bones, at least it wasn’t muddy thought Alice.
Something glistened on the dull ground, Alice picked up a large knife.
“May come in handy” she said.
“Careful”
Alice looked around to see where the voice came from, all thoughts of the White Rabbit had vanished now that the screaming had stopped.
“Don’t want to slip and be all hurtful” came the voice again.
Alice turned and in a hollow hidden by a large bush was a large pile of bones next to a tree, within it’s bark body there seemed to be a face that was silently snarling at her.
“Up here my dear”
Alice looked up to see a large cat with three tails grinning down at her.
“A talking cat, how’s that, are surprised because it’s not what you surmised?”
asked the cat.
“No, not really I’ve seen one before, he was the Cheshire cat and looked a lot like you” replied Alice.
“Well I’m not it, you silly little twit,
that cat’s dead and I’m here instead”
“My you are rude” said Alice “Why are there so many bones?”
“Because of the slaughter, human’s daughter”
“What?”
“Too hard to explain, too much pain,
now leave us alone to be with our bones”
“Curiouser and curiouser” mused Alice.
“Look , just fuck off will you” yelled the cat.
Alice left the rude cat and silly faced tree to continue down the path of bones and glass and it wasn’t long until she came upon a crop of grey mushrooms. Seeing one of the mushrooms swaying a bit she grabbed the edge and on her tippy toes looked up to see what was there.
Alice quickly dropped down as the most unpleasant smell assaulted her nostrils.
“Pwoo- whee” she said. It was kind of like the outhouse smell but covered up by the most awful perfume.
“Please don’t leave” came a pitiful voice from above. “I’m ever so lonely”
and it trailed off to some miserable sobbing.
Alice took a deep breath and lifted herself up to peek on top of the mushroom.
Sitting there was a large poo spraying it self with a cologne bottle.
The poo was disgusting, all slimy with chucky bits all over it’s body, it had two skinny arms and a face that was one of the saddest Alice had ever seen in her short life.
“Hello” said Alice then ducking down to catch a quick breath.
“Hello dearie, won’t you stay for awhile and chat?” the poo said
“Who are you?” asked Alice quickly, seeing the need to keep the time her mouth was open to be as short as possible.
“I am Lord Effluent, made by the invader of the all the goodness he had in his soul”
“Why the perfume? Asked Alice as she ducked down for another quick gulp of fresh air.
“To hide my terrible stench, the invader was not a good man and his essence of good was nearly non existent, I use this cologne to cover the horrible stink so I can meet and hopefully talk to people as you can see I cannot travel far” explained the poo Lord.
“Sorry, it doesn’t work” said Alice and ran away before the urge to vomit became too strong.
As Alice started to slow down from her run she could here laughter over the cracking and splintering of the glass and bones she trod on, she stopped to get a better listen.
“I know that voice” she said aloud.
Alice followed the hysterical laughing and as she drew closer the dark thick bushes flanking the path open up to reveal an open dale with a large table set for dinner and there in all the mad glory (though their clothes were quite drab) sat the Hatter and March Hare.
“Hello again” announced Alice
The laughing stopped as the two occupants of the table stared at Alice intensely.
“Don’t you remember me? It’s Alice” Alice explained.
“Uhh, no , not really” said the Hatter and burst into fits of laughter.
“You may as well sit down and have a cuppa then” said the March Hare and gestured to a comfy chair at the end of the table.
Alice sat down in the big chair, meanwhile the other two had continued on talking gibberish and giggling between themselves,.
“Are you sure you don’t remember me?”
The two stopped talking looked long and hard at Alice and both said
“ No”
and they continued doing what they were doing.
“Well then, where’s Dormouse?” asked Alice.
The Hatter and Hare separated to reveal Dormouse lying between them.
A stream of blood was now visible running to the edge. Dormouse’s head had been caved to the point where grey matter was running down with the blood..
“My goodness” gasped Alice.
“Yes, we got sick of trying to wake him up “ said the March Hare “ We didn’t realize he was dead until all the stuff started leaking out between his ears”
“He is starting to pong a bit, isn’t he Haee?” said the Hatter
“Certainly is, let’s fix it” replied the Hare
And both Hatter and Hare grabbed Dormouse and stuffed him into a tea pot.
During her time at the table Alice had inadvertently started to play with the knife she had found and had come over with the most powerful urge to do the Hatter and Hare as they had done to poor Dormouse.
“Stop that you horrible beasts, what happened to you” Alice cried.
The Hatter and Hare let the Teapot complete with stuffed Dormouse crash to the ground and pondered Alice’s question.
“Well it was all your fault really” said Hare
“Yes, when you went away last time you left the door open” said Hatter
“You left the door open and we were invaded”
“Invaded by nasty people”
“Who raped the Queen”
“Killed the King”
“Murdered the Army” said the Hare pointing to all the bones.
“How did you not get harmed?” asked Alice
“Simple, we told the invader who the bad ones were and who to watch out for” they both replied.
“So who’s left then?” demanded Alice
The two thought about it for a moment and relied in unison.
“The Hatter, the Hare that some silly cat and some thing that smells something awful.”
“But I thought saw the White Rabbit earlier” said Alice
“Oh I thought you meant who is left now” answered the Hare.
“All the people who lived here, all the people I met on my adventures, all dead?” said Alice her voice rising
“Yep. Pretty much” said the Hatter.
With that Alice grabbed her knife and ran crying from the table.
“Strange girl” said the Hare
“Yes very” replied the Hatter and preceded to kick the teapot around that housed the body of Dormouse.
“Wake up” they both cried and broke out in hysterical laughter.
Alice ran back down the path and as she traveled the bushes and scrub closed in around the path again. The path of bones and glass never seemed to run out, constantly cracking and smashing under her shoes.
After what seemed like a very long time Alice wanted to rest but couldn’t find anywhere to sit down because of the path and thick thorny bushes, she wished she had of taken the chair from the Hatter and Hare.
Alice’s legs were growing very tied.
Then as if by demand the path opened upon another clearing this time free of bones.
Alice noiced someone standing at the other end and instantly recognized either Tweedle dee or dum – she was never really sure which was which- Alice made her way over to where he was standing.
“Hello, hello , they said no one was left”
He didn’t answer, as Alice drew closer she understood why.
The heads of Tweedledee and Tweedledum had been grafted onto one body or so she thought because as she came closer it was more noticeable that both had been cut in half (save their heads) and stitched back together again.
Their blank lifeless eyes staring forward.
Their body had been tied to a tree.
Alice collapsed onto the ground and cried.
Not knowing what to do next Alice headed back to the Mad Hatter and Hare’s table.
Hopefully she could something to eat, but making a note not to eat the cake with any labels.
When she made her way back to the clearing she found the table had been disturbed and instead of Hatter and Hare there was only the Hatter’s head resting on a plate, his body lying in the bones next to the table. Hare was nowhere to be seen.
Alice was angry, there was no food left on the table, so she angrily went and sat in the comfy chair at the end of the table.
“Goodness me what can I do now?” she asked herself.
“Well you could make me a cup of tea”
Alice looked down to see the Hatter’s head still on the plate looking at her waiting for a response.
Alice started to scream.
“Will you please stop her screaming” demanded the Colonel
Alice’s big sister and Nanny were trying to calm Alice down as she lay on the carpet in the middle of her bedroom where they had found here twenty minutes earlier.
The Colonel and his wife were hosting a very important dinner down stars and Alice’s screaming had ruined the whole evening.
It was something one did not do in polite society. People downstairs were starting to leave.
“I have to get down there and stop people leaving, you two fix this problem” and the Colonel stormed out.
“This is your fault” said the Nanny
“How am I responsible “ said Alice’s big sister more than a touch angry.
“You keep taking her down to the pine tree to read and get her out of the house”
“So?”
“The Pine trees where those funny mushrooms grow that you sell to your friends.....”
"Oh!"
".....she came up here looking for some but stuck into your acid instead"
“Oh yeah…..ummmm………quite little one….. quite Alice”
(c)2010 SHIDOT Prod.
You can see why Burton's was chosen.
ALICE IN HELL
Alice woke to the acrid smell of burning hair and something else she couldn’t place.
As she rubbed her eyes a small figure ran passed her shrieking in pain, flames had engulfed it’s whole body.
“White Rabbit?” Alice said to herself as the running burning figure ran on for another fifty yards and fell down on the ground writhing all the time continuing it’s soul piercing screams.
“Curiouser and curiouser” mused Alice.
Alice got to her feet and noticed her little bib apron was stained with blood, in her small pocket were some sulfur matches.
She put them back and made a point to remember them for later.
Somehow this wasn’t the Wonderland she had visited before. It was dark and colourless, there was an unnatural smell like when Father had been to the outhouse before her.
Alice walked over to now smoldering lump that she thought was the White Rabbit and as she did the ground she stepped on crackled like broken glass and sticks. When she looked down it was more like broken glass and bones, at least it wasn’t muddy thought Alice.
Something glistened on the dull ground, Alice picked up a large knife.
“May come in handy” she said.
“Careful”
Alice looked around to see where the voice came from, all thoughts of the White Rabbit had vanished now that the screaming had stopped.
“Don’t want to slip and be all hurtful” came the voice again.
Alice turned and in a hollow hidden by a large bush was a large pile of bones next to a tree, within it’s bark body there seemed to be a face that was silently snarling at her.
“Up here my dear”
Alice looked up to see a large cat with three tails grinning down at her.
“A talking cat, how’s that, are surprised because it’s not what you surmised?”
asked the cat.
“No, not really I’ve seen one before, he was the Cheshire cat and looked a lot like you” replied Alice.
“Well I’m not it, you silly little twit,
that cat’s dead and I’m here instead”
“My you are rude” said Alice “Why are there so many bones?”
“Because of the slaughter, human’s daughter”
“What?”
“Too hard to explain, too much pain,
now leave us alone to be with our bones”
“Curiouser and curiouser” mused Alice.
“Look , just fuck off will you” yelled the cat.
Alice left the rude cat and silly faced tree to continue down the path of bones and glass and it wasn’t long until she came upon a crop of grey mushrooms. Seeing one of the mushrooms swaying a bit she grabbed the edge and on her tippy toes looked up to see what was there.
Alice quickly dropped down as the most unpleasant smell assaulted her nostrils.
“Pwoo- whee” she said. It was kind of like the outhouse smell but covered up by the most awful perfume.
“Please don’t leave” came a pitiful voice from above. “I’m ever so lonely”
and it trailed off to some miserable sobbing.
Alice took a deep breath and lifted herself up to peek on top of the mushroom.
Sitting there was a large poo spraying it self with a cologne bottle.
The poo was disgusting, all slimy with chucky bits all over it’s body, it had two skinny arms and a face that was one of the saddest Alice had ever seen in her short life.
“Hello” said Alice then ducking down to catch a quick breath.
“Hello dearie, won’t you stay for awhile and chat?” the poo said
“Who are you?” asked Alice quickly, seeing the need to keep the time her mouth was open to be as short as possible.
“I am Lord Effluent, made by the invader of the all the goodness he had in his soul”
“Why the perfume? Asked Alice as she ducked down for another quick gulp of fresh air.
“To hide my terrible stench, the invader was not a good man and his essence of good was nearly non existent, I use this cologne to cover the horrible stink so I can meet and hopefully talk to people as you can see I cannot travel far” explained the poo Lord.
“Sorry, it doesn’t work” said Alice and ran away before the urge to vomit became too strong.
As Alice started to slow down from her run she could here laughter over the cracking and splintering of the glass and bones she trod on, she stopped to get a better listen.
“I know that voice” she said aloud.
Alice followed the hysterical laughing and as she drew closer the dark thick bushes flanking the path open up to reveal an open dale with a large table set for dinner and there in all the mad glory (though their clothes were quite drab) sat the Hatter and March Hare.
“Hello again” announced Alice
The laughing stopped as the two occupants of the table stared at Alice intensely.
“Don’t you remember me? It’s Alice” Alice explained.
“Uhh, no , not really” said the Hatter and burst into fits of laughter.
“You may as well sit down and have a cuppa then” said the March Hare and gestured to a comfy chair at the end of the table.
Alice sat down in the big chair, meanwhile the other two had continued on talking gibberish and giggling between themselves,.
“Are you sure you don’t remember me?”
The two stopped talking looked long and hard at Alice and both said
“ No”
and they continued doing what they were doing.
“Well then, where’s Dormouse?” asked Alice.
The Hatter and Hare separated to reveal Dormouse lying between them.
A stream of blood was now visible running to the edge. Dormouse’s head had been caved to the point where grey matter was running down with the blood..
“My goodness” gasped Alice.
“Yes, we got sick of trying to wake him up “ said the March Hare “ We didn’t realize he was dead until all the stuff started leaking out between his ears”
“He is starting to pong a bit, isn’t he Haee?” said the Hatter
“Certainly is, let’s fix it” replied the Hare
And both Hatter and Hare grabbed Dormouse and stuffed him into a tea pot.
During her time at the table Alice had inadvertently started to play with the knife she had found and had come over with the most powerful urge to do the Hatter and Hare as they had done to poor Dormouse.
“Stop that you horrible beasts, what happened to you” Alice cried.
The Hatter and Hare let the Teapot complete with stuffed Dormouse crash to the ground and pondered Alice’s question.
“Well it was all your fault really” said Hare
“Yes, when you went away last time you left the door open” said Hatter
“You left the door open and we were invaded”
“Invaded by nasty people”
“Who raped the Queen”
“Killed the King”
“Murdered the Army” said the Hare pointing to all the bones.
“How did you not get harmed?” asked Alice
“Simple, we told the invader who the bad ones were and who to watch out for” they both replied.
“So who’s left then?” demanded Alice
The two thought about it for a moment and relied in unison.
“The Hatter, the Hare that some silly cat and some thing that smells something awful.”
“But I thought saw the White Rabbit earlier” said Alice
“Oh I thought you meant who is left now” answered the Hare.
“All the people who lived here, all the people I met on my adventures, all dead?” said Alice her voice rising
“Yep. Pretty much” said the Hatter.
With that Alice grabbed her knife and ran crying from the table.
“Strange girl” said the Hare
“Yes very” replied the Hatter and preceded to kick the teapot around that housed the body of Dormouse.
“Wake up” they both cried and broke out in hysterical laughter.
Alice ran back down the path and as she traveled the bushes and scrub closed in around the path again. The path of bones and glass never seemed to run out, constantly cracking and smashing under her shoes.
After what seemed like a very long time Alice wanted to rest but couldn’t find anywhere to sit down because of the path and thick thorny bushes, she wished she had of taken the chair from the Hatter and Hare.
Alice’s legs were growing very tied.
Then as if by demand the path opened upon another clearing this time free of bones.
Alice noiced someone standing at the other end and instantly recognized either Tweedle dee or dum – she was never really sure which was which- Alice made her way over to where he was standing.
“Hello, hello , they said no one was left”
He didn’t answer, as Alice drew closer she understood why.
Their blank lifeless eyes staring forward.
Their body had been tied to a tree.
Alice collapsed onto the ground and cried.
Not knowing what to do next Alice headed back to the Mad Hatter and Hare’s table.
Hopefully she could something to eat, but making a note not to eat the cake with any labels.
When she made her way back to the clearing she found the table had been disturbed and instead of Hatter and Hare there was only the Hatter’s head resting on a plate, his body lying in the bones next to the table. Hare was nowhere to be seen.
Alice was angry, there was no food left on the table, so she angrily went and sat in the comfy chair at the end of the table.
“Goodness me what can I do now?” she asked herself.
“Well you could make me a cup of tea”
Alice looked down to see the Hatter’s head still on the plate looking at her waiting for a response.
Alice started to scream.
Alice’s big sister and Nanny were trying to calm Alice down as she lay on the carpet in the middle of her bedroom where they had found here twenty minutes earlier.
The Colonel and his wife were hosting a very important dinner down stars and Alice’s screaming had ruined the whole evening.
It was something one did not do in polite society. People downstairs were starting to leave.
“I have to get down there and stop people leaving, you two fix this problem” and the Colonel stormed out.
“This is your fault” said the Nanny
“How am I responsible “ said Alice’s big sister more than a touch angry.
“You keep taking her down to the pine tree to read and get her out of the house”
“So?”
“The Pine trees where those funny mushrooms grow that you sell to your friends.....”
"Oh!"
".....she came up here looking for some but stuck into your acid instead"
“Oh yeah…..ummmm………quite little one….. quite Alice”
Monday, 2 August 2010
THE I AM THE BAND CHALLENGE WINNER - SAD PANDA PART TWO
The winning entry of the Red Bubble A.R.S.E Group I AM THE BAND Challenge
Written and designed by the mysterious IWML from Melbourne Australia, the story begins in the 1990s with an interview with the Nihilistic Norwegian Black Metal Band SAD PANDA and its members
Bambucifer, Chaosbear & Ailuropoda Melancholia
They go onto break up and release solo projects only to reform under another guise missing a member.
It's all intrigue, bad manners and rock n roll.
This blog will run the complete saga over the next couple of weeks as part of the prizes awarded for such conceptual brilliance.
IMWL is responsible for all writing, art, animation and music and is a deserving winner.
AFTER SAD PANDA DECIDED TO SPLIT IT KEPT TRUE TO ITS PROMISE AND BECAME THREE DIFFERENT ENTITIES.
Chaosbear became ETERNAL CANDLESHADOW OF THE NEKRODEMONCHALICE (Faces The True Desolation Of Sacrificial Grimskulls In The Moonforest Of The Thronegoat)
The album
Ailuropoda Melancholia became DISAPPOINTED MARMOSET
The album
The album
ALL SONGS BY ALL THREE BANDS CAN BE HEARD HERE AS WELL AS CLASSIC SAD PANDA SONGS
The things went quiet for awhile until METALVANKER Magazine chased the legends down.
THEN FOLLOWING THIS ISSUE IWML CAME UP WITH SOME DELICIOUS GOSSIP.
"..... this is not the place for such whimsical nostalgia – this the place for ACTION. and the latest ACTION on the SAD PANDA front is a series of strange rumours i’ve heard around the traps lately. the first is something i read in the METAL VANKER MAGAZINE special, something about how ‘the boys might be getting the band back together again’. but this totally contradicts a rumour written in the VERY SAME MAGAZINE, which insisted that Bambucifer would NEVER play with SAD PANDA again. so which is true? clearly ONE of them must be false at very least.
just as bamboozling was the rumour i heard the other day from a friend (an old friend of Gustav Zeugenschnapper’s actually (yes, THE Gustav Zeugenschnapper!) – but now i’m just name-dropping). this particular rumour speculated that Chaosbear had been seen lurking around with infamous Swiss black industrial figurehead, NEKROSVEN (you may know him better as ‘Sven Axel von Perssensensen’, from seminal Swiss black industrial bands ‘Steel Eye Hammer’ and ‘Shadow on The Ice’). so… what’s going on here? beats me. but it could be exciting! imagine, the band back together… with NEKROSVEN producing! maybe he could even convince them to record another song???? i know this kinda stuff doesn’t excite many of you, but i for one, am virtually DROOLING over the possibilities…
anyway. that’s all. i shouldn’t get so excited. i mean, Bambucifer has already stated many times that he’ll never play the bass again, let alone with SAD PANDA. but still… with rumours like these, it’s hard not to hope.
i guess only time will tell…"
THEN AS IF WAITING AN ANNOUNCEMENT THIS APPEARED
for those of you who don’t know NEKROSVEN, here’s a poster from the ‘SHADOW ON THE ICE’ fanboy special from an issue of METAL VANKER from a year or so ago.
OF COURSE THINGS BEGAN TO HEAT UP WHEN BIOGRAPHER IWML RELEASED THIS PRESS RELEASE:
".......in panda-related news… well, i THINK i’m happy – but part of me is worried. turns out the rumours were ALL correct… SAD PANDA is reforming! now, this news would normally have made my HEAD EXPLODE with joy… but it appears Bambucifer WILL NOT be rejoining the band on bass.
apparently, he insists that being in a band is ‘too much of the funnytimes, too much laughy laughs and party party, FUCK that, i will never party again’.
so what i hear now, is that SAD PANDA is recruiting Sven Axel von Perssensensen instead of Bambucifer… and that there will be ‘big changes coming to the band’.
so… what does THAT mean? i don’t want big changes – i just want the SAD PANDA of old to be back together again! big changes… plus the fact that NekroSven has never played a bass in his life, and makes a whole different style of music…
well… i’m kinda hopeful, kinda scared."
WELL IT CAME TO A HEAD SEVERAL DAYS LATER WITH THE RELEASE OF THIS PHOTO AND ARTICLE:
"OH MY LORDY ME… all the pieces of the puzzle come together.
SAD PANDA is not getting back together at all. Ailurpoda Melancholia and Chaosbear are forming a ‘hard-wave darktronika’ band (their description, not mine) which (and i quote) ‘extends the concept of SAD PANDA and confronts the robot machine interface of mortal existence’. whatever that means.
and NOW i understand the inexplicable. PAANDAAR ARE THE NEW SAD PANDA"
THIS IS THEIR FIRST SINGLE MASTICATORY OBFUSCATION
THE ALBUM ARTWORK OF THE SOON TO BE RELEASED PAANDAAR ALBUM
SAD PANDA BIOGRAPHER IWML HAD THE LAST WORD ON THE WHOLE SAGA WITH THIS REVEALING EPILOGUE IN HIS LAST ARTICLE:
"now. on to more serious topics. as you probably all know, i’m still in shock about this whole ‘sad panda breaking up’ thing, let alone getting used to the idea that they’ve reformed as some terrible not-black-metal-AT-ALL post-gabba cyber-pop neo-industrial ‘darkwave’ band. so i’ve been listening to SAD PANDA’s old catalogue (granted, it’s only one song, but it is a LONG one) – and i think i’ve discovered something. something that could have been the kiss of doom, the cruel harbinger of destiny, the seal on the nail in the coffin of fate for the end of SAD PANDA – and that signals LOUD AND CLEAR that the bass-player, BAMBUCIFER, was already sick and tired of the black metal scene, even back then, when they recorded their one and only song.
this mystical, perplexing, why-didn’t-i-notice-it-before clue is this:
listen to “sad panda (stares into the abyss)” – at about 9 minutes and ten seconds, i SWEAR i can hear Bambucifer playing ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’. try to block out that atonal shrieking mess of guitars, and just concentrate on the bass part – tell me i’m wrong. it’s either ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ or ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’, but i’m 99% sure he’s playing fucken ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’! which is, i don’t need to tell you, is NOT VERY BLACK METAL.
NOT VERY BLACK METAL
so. it all makes more sense to me now – why he split up the band. why he refuses to rejoin. why he has let it turn into some god-awful ‘commercial’ blackcore disco band, in the hands of someone like NEKROSVEN – because, even back in the legendary early days of SAD PANDA, and on their ONE OFFICIAL RECORDING, Bambucifer really didn’t give a shit about black metal.
and how black metal is that!! AWESOME! i mean, ‘not giving a shit’ is the CORE of TRUE KVLT NEKRO BLACK METAL!!!! throw those horns NOW!
he is my new hero."
PostScript:
SAD PANDA FAMILY TREE
Written and designed by the mysterious IWML from Melbourne Australia, the story begins in the 1990s with an interview with the Nihilistic Norwegian Black Metal Band SAD PANDA and its members
Bambucifer, Chaosbear & Ailuropoda Melancholia
They go onto break up and release solo projects only to reform under another guise missing a member.
It's all intrigue, bad manners and rock n roll.
This blog will run the complete saga over the next couple of weeks as part of the prizes awarded for such conceptual brilliance.
IMWL is responsible for all writing, art, animation and music and is a deserving winner.
AFTER SAD PANDA DECIDED TO SPLIT IT KEPT TRUE TO ITS PROMISE AND BECAME THREE DIFFERENT ENTITIES.
Chaosbear became ETERNAL CANDLESHADOW OF THE NEKRODEMONCHALICE (Faces The True Desolation Of Sacrificial Grimskulls In The Moonforest Of The Thronegoat)
The album
Ailuropoda Melancholia became DISAPPOINTED MARMOSET
The album
Bambucifer became BLACKSOIL
The album
ALL SONGS BY ALL THREE BANDS CAN BE HEARD HERE AS WELL AS CLASSIC SAD PANDA SONGS
The things went quiet for awhile until METALVANKER Magazine chased the legends down.
THEN FOLLOWING THIS ISSUE IWML CAME UP WITH SOME DELICIOUS GOSSIP.
"..... this is not the place for such whimsical nostalgia – this the place for ACTION. and the latest ACTION on the SAD PANDA front is a series of strange rumours i’ve heard around the traps lately. the first is something i read in the METAL VANKER MAGAZINE special, something about how ‘the boys might be getting the band back together again’. but this totally contradicts a rumour written in the VERY SAME MAGAZINE, which insisted that Bambucifer would NEVER play with SAD PANDA again. so which is true? clearly ONE of them must be false at very least.
just as bamboozling was the rumour i heard the other day from a friend (an old friend of Gustav Zeugenschnapper’s actually (yes, THE Gustav Zeugenschnapper!) – but now i’m just name-dropping). this particular rumour speculated that Chaosbear had been seen lurking around with infamous Swiss black industrial figurehead, NEKROSVEN (you may know him better as ‘Sven Axel von Perssensensen’, from seminal Swiss black industrial bands ‘Steel Eye Hammer’ and ‘Shadow on The Ice’). so… what’s going on here? beats me. but it could be exciting! imagine, the band back together… with NEKROSVEN producing! maybe he could even convince them to record another song???? i know this kinda stuff doesn’t excite many of you, but i for one, am virtually DROOLING over the possibilities…
anyway. that’s all. i shouldn’t get so excited. i mean, Bambucifer has already stated many times that he’ll never play the bass again, let alone with SAD PANDA. but still… with rumours like these, it’s hard not to hope.
i guess only time will tell…"
THEN AS IF WAITING AN ANNOUNCEMENT THIS APPEARED
for those of you who don’t know NEKROSVEN, here’s a poster from the ‘SHADOW ON THE ICE’ fanboy special from an issue of METAL VANKER from a year or so ago.
".......in panda-related news… well, i THINK i’m happy – but part of me is worried. turns out the rumours were ALL correct… SAD PANDA is reforming! now, this news would normally have made my HEAD EXPLODE with joy… but it appears Bambucifer WILL NOT be rejoining the band on bass.
apparently, he insists that being in a band is ‘too much of the funnytimes, too much laughy laughs and party party, FUCK that, i will never party again’.
so what i hear now, is that SAD PANDA is recruiting Sven Axel von Perssensensen instead of Bambucifer… and that there will be ‘big changes coming to the band’.
so… what does THAT mean? i don’t want big changes – i just want the SAD PANDA of old to be back together again! big changes… plus the fact that NekroSven has never played a bass in his life, and makes a whole different style of music…
well… i’m kinda hopeful, kinda scared."
WELL IT CAME TO A HEAD SEVERAL DAYS LATER WITH THE RELEASE OF THIS PHOTO AND ARTICLE:
"OH MY LORDY ME… all the pieces of the puzzle come together.
SAD PANDA is not getting back together at all. Ailurpoda Melancholia and Chaosbear are forming a ‘hard-wave darktronika’ band (their description, not mine) which (and i quote) ‘extends the concept of SAD PANDA and confronts the robot machine interface of mortal existence’. whatever that means.
and NOW i understand the inexplicable. PAANDAAR ARE THE NEW SAD PANDA"
THIS IS THEIR FIRST SINGLE MASTICATORY OBFUSCATION
THE ALBUM ARTWORK OF THE SOON TO BE RELEASED PAANDAAR ALBUM
SAD PANDA BIOGRAPHER IWML HAD THE LAST WORD ON THE WHOLE SAGA WITH THIS REVEALING EPILOGUE IN HIS LAST ARTICLE:
"now. on to more serious topics. as you probably all know, i’m still in shock about this whole ‘sad panda breaking up’ thing, let alone getting used to the idea that they’ve reformed as some terrible not-black-metal-AT-ALL post-gabba cyber-pop neo-industrial ‘darkwave’ band. so i’ve been listening to SAD PANDA’s old catalogue (granted, it’s only one song, but it is a LONG one) – and i think i’ve discovered something. something that could have been the kiss of doom, the cruel harbinger of destiny, the seal on the nail in the coffin of fate for the end of SAD PANDA – and that signals LOUD AND CLEAR that the bass-player, BAMBUCIFER, was already sick and tired of the black metal scene, even back then, when they recorded their one and only song.
this mystical, perplexing, why-didn’t-i-notice-it-before clue is this:
listen to “sad panda (stares into the abyss)” – at about 9 minutes and ten seconds, i SWEAR i can hear Bambucifer playing ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’. try to block out that atonal shrieking mess of guitars, and just concentrate on the bass part – tell me i’m wrong. it’s either ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ or ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’, but i’m 99% sure he’s playing fucken ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’! which is, i don’t need to tell you, is NOT VERY BLACK METAL.
NOT VERY BLACK METAL
so. it all makes more sense to me now – why he split up the band. why he refuses to rejoin. why he has let it turn into some god-awful ‘commercial’ blackcore disco band, in the hands of someone like NEKROSVEN – because, even back in the legendary early days of SAD PANDA, and on their ONE OFFICIAL RECORDING, Bambucifer really didn’t give a shit about black metal.
and how black metal is that!! AWESOME! i mean, ‘not giving a shit’ is the CORE of TRUE KVLT NEKRO BLACK METAL!!!! throw those horns NOW!
he is my new hero."
PostScript:
SAD PANDA FAMILY TREE
Monday, 26 July 2010
THE I AM THE BAND CHALLENGE WINNER - SAD PANDA Part One
The winning entry of the Red Bubble A.R.S.E Group I AM THE BAND Challenge
Written and designed by the mysterious IWML from Melbourne Australia, the story begins in the 1990s with an interview with the Nihilistic Norwegian Black Metal Band SAD PANDA and its members
Bambucifer, Chaosbear & Ailuropoda Melancholia
They go onto break up and release solo projects only to reform under another guise missing a member.
It's all intrigue, bad manners and rock n roll.
This blog will run the complete saga over the next couple of weeks as part of the prizes awarded for such conceptual brilliance.
IMWL is responsible for all writing, art, animation and music and is a deserving winner.
THE SAGA OF SAD PANDA PART ONE
DEPRESSIVE BLACKENED SUICIDAL BLACK METAL, WITH PANDAS:
An interview with Sad Panda.
.. ..
As notorious as they are famous, as mysteriously private as they are a cult phenomena, there is no other black metal band like Sad Panda. The creators of what they call “depressive blackened suicidal black metal”, they are uncompromosingly single-visioned, dedicated to their music as a lifestyle, rather than just a trend or a commodity. Their myspace page “will refuse all the friend requests”, because “friends are for the happiness”.
.. ..
Hailing from Oslo, Norway, Sad Panda are as “kult” a band as you will find. Even though they are separate (with Chaosbear on the drums, Bambucifer on bass, and Ailuropoda Melancholia on all guitars and vocals), they are One - united by their intense misanthropic natures, their obsession with pure depressive blackened suicidal black metal, and pandas.
.. ..
At their request, I interviewed them at their rehearsal space in Oslo, at midnight, while “the frozen moon beckons the shadow-void through the virgin blood of infernal sacrifice”, and brought a six pack.
.. ..
Me: Thanks for doing this interview.
A.M: Thanks for having us, ja. It is to be pleasurable for us to talk in this way.
(pause)
Bambucifer: Well, but not too pleasurable, to be sure.
A.M: Sure, yes, not too pleasurable. As depressive blackened suicidal black metal band, this interiew is just a small respite from the unrelenting horror, really.
Me: Okay.
Chaosbear: I can no longer feel any pleasure at all, so enshrouded by darkness am I.
Bambucifer: No, me also. I am cold like the mountains.
Me: You want me to put the heater on?
Bambucifer: No, I am talking about in my very soul of blackness. The room is fine.
Chaosbear: Considering the bleak necro-chill in my heart. But yes, the room is fine.
A.M: I’m also fine with the warmth levels, thank you.
(pause)
Me: Okay, great. So, um, why “Sad Panda”? You’ve been criticised by some elements of the black metal community, saying it doesn’t really seem very black metal.
A.M: That is simply an incorrect statement. There is nothing more black metal in the world.
Bambucifer: Nothing.
Chaosbear: Fuck them anyway, what the fuck do they know.
A.M: As you know, we play exclusively depressive blackened suicidal black metal, so when we were trying for the creation of a name, we needed the most depressive name there could ever be in the universe. A name that inspires bleakness and unhappiness in the ears of the listening person, ja?
Bambucifer: And there is nothing sadder than a sad panda.
Chaosbear: There is nothing sadder than a sad panda.
Bambucifer: Can you think of anything sadder than a sad panda?
A.M: I cannot.
Bambucifer: I also cannot. It is very sad to be a sad panda.
Chaosbear: Have to eat fucking bamboo all the time.
A.M: Sure, and the wiping out of the environments, and with all the being endangered.
Bambucifer: And the not being able to breed, and being alone, desolate, in the cold mountains, watching your very species dying out-
Chaosbear: The fucking bamboo though, that is for making a very sad creature. “What would you like to eat tonight sir, some hamburgers, some pudding?” “No I can only eat bamboo man”.
Bambucifer: It’s just fucking sad.
A.M: Ja. It is sad.
Chaosbear: There is nothing sadder than a sad panda.
Me: Sure.
A.M: It is indeed very very bleak.
Bambucifer: Brutal.
Chaosbear: Depressive. Makes me want to kill myself.
Bambucifer: Ja. Very many times.
Me: Sure, yeah, it’s pretty sad.
Chaosbear: I will cut myself when I get home, I think.
Bambucifer: Ja, that will be very bleak. I might also do that.
A.M: I did it before we left, just in case.
(pause)
Me: Hey, what about puppies? Sad puppies would be pretty sad.
Chaosbear: FUCK PUPPIES! Puppies are shit.
Bambucifer: Yeah, fuck puppies. What the fuck have the puppies got to be sad about?
Chaosbear: Puppies are fucking shit man.
A.M: Ja, puppies what, “ooh I lost my ball”, “I want a walkies”? Fuck you, puppy! You know NOTHING!
Bambucifer: A panda has no home! A panda has no ball! A panda never has a walkies!
Chaosbear: And the puppies, they have the bones, they have the dry foods, they have the wet foods or the can or whatever –
A.M: Maybe little snackies during the day-
Chaosbear: -ja, and the panda, he’s only got fucking bamboo, man.
A.M: It’s fucking depressive to be the panda, no doubts about it.
Bambucifer: Fuck them. Little bastards. They are not depressive at all.
Me: Right. Okay, well.
(pause)
Me: Okay, right. Well. On to the music. Although you are pretty well known in the underground, I could only find one of your songs online. Why is that? Is it like a deliberate restriction of your work to ensure the band remains “kult” and never-
A.M: We only have one song.
Me: You only have one song?
Bambucifer: It is quite a long song.
(pause)
Bambucifer: Longer than a lot of bands who have more songs, I am thinking.
Chaosbear: It is a fucking long song. That is fucking 15 minutes of continous drumming there. You fucking do that.
A.M: It says all we need to say, you know, about the sadness of the panda.
Chaosbear: 15 minutes, man! I am getting so tired after that I don’t even have the
energy to slit my wrists and bleed my life-force into the cold bleak snow.
A.M: I do, but only just.
Bambucifer: It is a very long song.
Me: You only have one song. What’s the basic gist of the lyrics?
A.M: It is about the sadness of the panda, you know, the desolation, the depression.
Me: For fifteen minutes.
A.M: Sure, ja. There’s a lot of depression to say about.
Bambucifer: See, what you are needing to understand is that we are a depressive blackened suicidal black metal band. We play exclusively depressive blackened suicidal black metal. We do not get together to have some of the beers and eat some of the crisps and have some big fat happy moshing party with cigarettes.
Chaosbear: Parties are not bleak at all, they are fucking bullshit.
Bambucifer: We fucking make sadness in the band, we make the desolation and the sorrowlands frost-life of the panda.
A.M: And that takes 15 minutes to do. No less, and no more.
Chaosbear: Parties make me want to cut myself.
Bambucifer: Pandas don’t have the parties! Fuck parties.
Me: Yeah, fuck em. Okay, so your one song is a bit of an epic, and it’s like totally about being a panda-
A.M: Being a sad panda.
Me: Sure, yeah, a really really sad panda, and it’s called “Sad Panda (Stares Into The Abyss)”, and it’s only available at myspace.com/sadpandaofficial. As I was listening to it, it felt like three or four bands kinda just playing at the same time, with no real connection between the different parts. I don’t mean that in like a bad way, I just mean it’s kinda-
Bambucifer: You don’t like it? Fuck you!
Me: No, no, it’s not that I didn’t like it, it’s just like, well, it’s not really like anything I’ve heard before. I mean, how do you write your songs? Ah, song?
A.M: We just get together and begin thinking to ourselves, “what kind of depressive blackened suicidal black metal would a sad panda play”, and then just perform that on our instruments.
Bambucifer: Ja, see also the panda has the enlarged bone in its hand which is being called the ‘pseudo thumb’, right? And so to play the bass like you are a sad desolate depressive bleak nekro panda, you need to play it like you are having the extra thumb. ....
A.M: That is exactly true, and why my guitar parts are sounding the way they are. Because of the extra fucking thumb, man.....
Bambucifer: Ja, the fucking ‘psuedo thumb’.
Chaosbear: It’s made of bone, man. It’s fucking nekro as fuck.
A.M: Brutal.
Bambucifer: Totally fucking brutal.
Me: Right, sure. But why don’t any of the guitar parts actually fit together?
A.M: Pandas cannot play guitars.
Chaosbear: You ever seen a fucking panda up there playing a guitar?
Bambucifer: Euronymous wasn’t a panda, man. You think Euronymous was a fucking panda?
Me: No-
Bambucifer: If you think Euronymous was a fucking panda, then fuck you!
Me: I don’t think he was a panda-
Chaosbear: He was not a panda, that much is for certain.
A.M: Pandas cannot play guitars.
(pause)
Me: Okay. So… um… what are your influences?
A.M: Pandas.
(pause)
A.M: Sad sad pandas.
(pause)
Me: Okay… er… okay, what next for Sad Panda? Er, the band, not the song. Or any actual panda.
Bambucifer: Well, I am feeling like I want to play some depressive blackened suicidal black metal.
Chaosbear: I will go home and cut myself.
A.M: I am thinking of entering the dark void beyond the forest throne, at dusk.
(pause)
Me: Is that like… is that to do with pandas?
A.M: No.
Bambucifer: Not everything is about pandas, man.
.. ..
Bambucifer Chaosbear Ailuropoda Melancholia
SAD PANDA's only official release
THE PANDA TAKES A BOW: the last days of Sad Panda.
Well, after years of rumours, lies, half-truths and gossip, the truth is finally out – Norway’s kings of panda-related depressive blackened suicidal black metal, SAD PANDA, have called it a day. To some, it came as a shock – how could a band so united in vision, so single-minded in purpose, ever break up? To others, it was nigh on inevitable – as one source put it, “they were just too misanthropic to stay together, they understand only bamboo and pain, not ‘togetherness’.” Yet until now, the details of the split have been shrouded in mystery, as have the band members’ subsequent lives. Finally, here, now, all the pieces of the Sad Panda jigsaw puzzle are spilled out on the table. It is up to you to put them back together again to make it look like the picture on the front of the box – the box marked ‘TRUTH’.
NO NEED FOR SPREADSHEETS
After their ill-fated 1997 gig at DunkelFisterBrommerKriegenLober BlitzenHall, where their 15 minute epic ‘Sad Panda (Stares Into the Abyss)’ went for a tawdry 8 and a half minutes, ending with a squall of feedback and the separate band members wandering off the stage at separate times in separate directions, the rumour mill began grinding straight away. Was that the end for Sad Panda? Why did bass-player Bambucifer walk off halfway through the song? Did they really hate each other as much as it seemed? What happened to the light show? Where’d I put my drink? The questions seemed endless. But in all actuality, had someone been there to tally all the questions, perhaps arrange them in alphabetical order, maybe using a piece of gridpaper or specialised tabulation software like Excel, that person would have discovered that indeed there was an end to the questions, all things being bound by the finite nature of the universe. But that person, even with all their fancy stationery and access to quite expensive software, would still have been no closer to the facts about Sad Panda than anyone else with more typical stationery and dodgy open-source versions of virtually the same programs – for Sad Panda were nowhere to be found.
Only one thing was for certain – that truncated rendition of ‘Sad Panda (Stares Into the Abyss)’ at the infamous DunkelFisterBrommerKriegenLober BlitzenHall was to be their last.
Grind, o rumourmill, grind.
THE BAND THAT WAS, BECOMES NOT THAT ANYMORE
For a while, it was assumed that their low public profile was just Sad Panda going about business as usual – the kvlt, frostbitten, nekrobusiness of remaining Oslo’s most underground panda-related depressive blackened suicidal black metal band. Which they most definitely were – which was part of the problem. Their new-found kvlt status was beginning to fray the once-glacier-solid band into smaller, more frayed, glacier-ettes. In Bambucifer’s words:
“At that gig at the DunkelFisterBrommerKriegenLober BlitzenHall, there were kids
moshing, throwing horns in the air, you know, slamdancing and stage-diving and fucking really getting into the music. Everyone in the whole fucking venue was having the very awesome time, and I was thinking, what the fuck, I was thinking to myself, are we the fucking partyband now? FUCK YOU, we are NOT the fucking partyband.”
The seeds of split-uppedness were already sown. If supplied with enough water and sun, there was no doubt that they would grow upward, bigger and bigger, until one day, they would bloom into a big pretty flower of separation, rich with the heady perfume of loss. And that water and sun came all too soon, in the form of The Onyx Euron.
TOO KVLT FOR SCHOOL
When Sad Panda were awarded The Onyx Euron (the Norwegian underground black metal scene’s equivalent of the Golden Logie) in 2001, that was the last straw for this black metal camel. As Ailuropoda Melancholia tells the story:
“Bambucifer was already thinking we were not kvlt enough, that we were being too happy and frolicking like little lambsies on the hilltops. He was already saying we sold out already by recording a song, we should’ve stayed troo and kvlt and not played ANY music at all, that we should’ve all maybe just been killing ourselves and getting it over and fucking done with. And Chaosbear was being worried that maybe we had too much fun making the music and hanging out together being depressive, you know? Like, maybe if we were depressive alone it would be even MORE depressive. And then, fuck, well then we got that fucking award. I still have it on my shelf, you know. My shelf of despair. It’s in the rumpus room.”
The black metal camel that was Sad Panda, was a sad black metal panda camel that had faced one straw too many on its cold, necrofrozen hump of torment. Before it knew what straw had hit its own humpface, that sad black metal panda camel’s dream was over.
PANDA, ARISE!
But with each dying camel, comes a new dawn. For although the fearsome depressive entity that was Sad Panda was over, three new projects erupted in its wake, as each of its members went in their own new directions. Again, Ailuropoda Melancholia:
“We had said all we had to say about pandas, really, so there was no real reason for the project to be continuing. To be sure, pandas are being the very sad creatures. But there are being other creatures that also have the sadness. Not quite as sad, maybe, but certainly worth the exploring, you know? Like, fuck, you know those little monkeys that aren’t even monkeys? They have those moustaches? Must be pretty unhappy being one of those fuckers.”
Ailuropoda Melancholia’s solo project, ‘Disappointed Marmoset’ was the first to see the light of day. Not at all black metal, let alone depressive blackened suicidal black metal, ‘Disappointed Marmoset’ has more of a ‘dark ambient depressive folk’ feel about it, and, for once, you can understand what he’s saying. Which, depending on whether or not you like it, is either a good or a bad thing, based on your own judgments and priorities, depending on your personal tastes, aesthetic connections, and point of view.
Like a black phoenix rising straight out of Hell, smelling of sulphur and looking a little like a cross between an albatross and a partridge, a few years later Chaosbear’s own solo project appeared. And, like a cross between an albatross and a partridge, Chaosbear’s project would’ve perplexed ornithologists around the world, had any ornithologists of note been at all interested in the ex-members of Sad Panda, and their musical exploits. Which, thankfully for the publishers of ‘What Bird is That’, ‘What’s that Bird’, and ‘Ornithologist’s Quarterly’, they weren’t.
Chaosbear’s solo project ‘ETERNAL CANDLESHADOW OF THE NEKRODEMONCHALICE (Faces The True Desolation Of Sacrificial Grimskulls In The Moonforest Of The Thronegoat)’ is, believe it or not, still strictly black metal. As he says:
“Fuck you if you don’t like it. Who cares what you think anyway? Fuck you. FUCK YOU.”
But by far the most curious of the solo projects birthed from the grim nekromother that was the splitting up of Sad Panda, and raised by the spooky voidnanny that was the following few years between then and now, must be Bambucifer’s ‘BLACKSOIL’. In his own words:
“Well, I was thinking that I really was enjoying playing bass, making the musics, you know, the whole making-of-the-music process. So that had to fucking stop. There are no fucking instruments in Blacksoil, that’s for sure.”
Blacksoil is nothing but recordings of Bambucifer turning his compost. Bambucifer again:
“It’s more of a gardening project, really. But it certainly has more of the decay and the dirt and the fucking stench in it than Sad Panda ever had. It may be the truest art I have ever created. And it’s one I play live every fucking day – to nobody.”
JUST PERHAPS...
Whether or not you were ever a fan of Sad Panda, had only heard of them in whispered rumours, or are reading this going ‘what the FUCK is this? this isn’t about pandas at ALL’, one thing is for certain – you exist. And, as much as your existence is perhaps the only thing you can ever truly know for sure, so too the one thing that can ever truly be known about Sad Panda, is that they exist no longer. Yet, like some kind of three-bodied pandazombie from beyond the grave, Sad Panda refuses to die. Perhaps. Just perhaps.
SAD PANDA(STARES INTO THE ABYSS) VIDEO EDIT
A rare cassette cover from a 1997 live recording
PHOTOS OF SAD PANDA IN THEIR GLORY DAY
PART TWO - THE STORY CONTINUES - HERE
Written and designed by the mysterious IWML from Melbourne Australia, the story begins in the 1990s with an interview with the Nihilistic Norwegian Black Metal Band SAD PANDA and its members
Bambucifer, Chaosbear & Ailuropoda Melancholia
They go onto break up and release solo projects only to reform under another guise missing a member.
It's all intrigue, bad manners and rock n roll.
This blog will run the complete saga over the next couple of weeks as part of the prizes awarded for such conceptual brilliance.
IMWL is responsible for all writing, art, animation and music and is a deserving winner.
THE SAGA OF SAD PANDA PART ONE
DEPRESSIVE BLACKENED SUICIDAL BLACK METAL, WITH PANDAS:
An interview with Sad Panda.
.. ..
As notorious as they are famous, as mysteriously private as they are a cult phenomena, there is no other black metal band like Sad Panda. The creators of what they call “depressive blackened suicidal black metal”, they are uncompromosingly single-visioned, dedicated to their music as a lifestyle, rather than just a trend or a commodity. Their myspace page “will refuse all the friend requests”, because “friends are for the happiness”.
.. ..
Hailing from Oslo, Norway, Sad Panda are as “kult” a band as you will find. Even though they are separate (with Chaosbear on the drums, Bambucifer on bass, and Ailuropoda Melancholia on all guitars and vocals), they are One - united by their intense misanthropic natures, their obsession with pure depressive blackened suicidal black metal, and pandas.
.. ..
At their request, I interviewed them at their rehearsal space in Oslo, at midnight, while “the frozen moon beckons the shadow-void through the virgin blood of infernal sacrifice”, and brought a six pack.
.. ..
Me: Thanks for doing this interview.
A.M: Thanks for having us, ja. It is to be pleasurable for us to talk in this way.
(pause)
Bambucifer: Well, but not too pleasurable, to be sure.
A.M: Sure, yes, not too pleasurable. As depressive blackened suicidal black metal band, this interiew is just a small respite from the unrelenting horror, really.
Me: Okay.
Chaosbear: I can no longer feel any pleasure at all, so enshrouded by darkness am I.
Bambucifer: No, me also. I am cold like the mountains.
Me: You want me to put the heater on?
Bambucifer: No, I am talking about in my very soul of blackness. The room is fine.
Chaosbear: Considering the bleak necro-chill in my heart. But yes, the room is fine.
A.M: I’m also fine with the warmth levels, thank you.
(pause)
Me: Okay, great. So, um, why “Sad Panda”? You’ve been criticised by some elements of the black metal community, saying it doesn’t really seem very black metal.
A.M: That is simply an incorrect statement. There is nothing more black metal in the world.
Bambucifer: Nothing.
Chaosbear: Fuck them anyway, what the fuck do they know.
A.M: As you know, we play exclusively depressive blackened suicidal black metal, so when we were trying for the creation of a name, we needed the most depressive name there could ever be in the universe. A name that inspires bleakness and unhappiness in the ears of the listening person, ja?
Bambucifer: And there is nothing sadder than a sad panda.
Chaosbear: There is nothing sadder than a sad panda.
Bambucifer: Can you think of anything sadder than a sad panda?
A.M: I cannot.
Bambucifer: I also cannot. It is very sad to be a sad panda.
Chaosbear: Have to eat fucking bamboo all the time.
A.M: Sure, and the wiping out of the environments, and with all the being endangered.
Bambucifer: And the not being able to breed, and being alone, desolate, in the cold mountains, watching your very species dying out-
Chaosbear: The fucking bamboo though, that is for making a very sad creature. “What would you like to eat tonight sir, some hamburgers, some pudding?” “No I can only eat bamboo man”.
Bambucifer: It’s just fucking sad.
A.M: Ja. It is sad.
Chaosbear: There is nothing sadder than a sad panda.
Me: Sure.
A.M: It is indeed very very bleak.
Bambucifer: Brutal.
Chaosbear: Depressive. Makes me want to kill myself.
Bambucifer: Ja. Very many times.
Me: Sure, yeah, it’s pretty sad.
Chaosbear: I will cut myself when I get home, I think.
Bambucifer: Ja, that will be very bleak. I might also do that.
A.M: I did it before we left, just in case.
(pause)
Me: Hey, what about puppies? Sad puppies would be pretty sad.
Chaosbear: FUCK PUPPIES! Puppies are shit.
Bambucifer: Yeah, fuck puppies. What the fuck have the puppies got to be sad about?
Chaosbear: Puppies are fucking shit man.
A.M: Ja, puppies what, “ooh I lost my ball”, “I want a walkies”? Fuck you, puppy! You know NOTHING!
Bambucifer: A panda has no home! A panda has no ball! A panda never has a walkies!
Chaosbear: And the puppies, they have the bones, they have the dry foods, they have the wet foods or the can or whatever –
A.M: Maybe little snackies during the day-
Chaosbear: -ja, and the panda, he’s only got fucking bamboo, man.
A.M: It’s fucking depressive to be the panda, no doubts about it.
Bambucifer: Fuck them. Little bastards. They are not depressive at all.
Me: Right. Okay, well.
(pause)
Me: Okay, right. Well. On to the music. Although you are pretty well known in the underground, I could only find one of your songs online. Why is that? Is it like a deliberate restriction of your work to ensure the band remains “kult” and never-
A.M: We only have one song.
Me: You only have one song?
Bambucifer: It is quite a long song.
(pause)
Bambucifer: Longer than a lot of bands who have more songs, I am thinking.
Chaosbear: It is a fucking long song. That is fucking 15 minutes of continous drumming there. You fucking do that.
A.M: It says all we need to say, you know, about the sadness of the panda.
Chaosbear: 15 minutes, man! I am getting so tired after that I don’t even have the
energy to slit my wrists and bleed my life-force into the cold bleak snow.
A.M: I do, but only just.
Bambucifer: It is a very long song.
Me: You only have one song. What’s the basic gist of the lyrics?
A.M: It is about the sadness of the panda, you know, the desolation, the depression.
Me: For fifteen minutes.
A.M: Sure, ja. There’s a lot of depression to say about.
Bambucifer: See, what you are needing to understand is that we are a depressive blackened suicidal black metal band. We play exclusively depressive blackened suicidal black metal. We do not get together to have some of the beers and eat some of the crisps and have some big fat happy moshing party with cigarettes.
Chaosbear: Parties are not bleak at all, they are fucking bullshit.
Bambucifer: We fucking make sadness in the band, we make the desolation and the sorrowlands frost-life of the panda.
A.M: And that takes 15 minutes to do. No less, and no more.
Chaosbear: Parties make me want to cut myself.
Bambucifer: Pandas don’t have the parties! Fuck parties.
Me: Yeah, fuck em. Okay, so your one song is a bit of an epic, and it’s like totally about being a panda-
A.M: Being a sad panda.
Me: Sure, yeah, a really really sad panda, and it’s called “Sad Panda (Stares Into The Abyss)”, and it’s only available at myspace.com/sadpandaofficial. As I was listening to it, it felt like three or four bands kinda just playing at the same time, with no real connection between the different parts. I don’t mean that in like a bad way, I just mean it’s kinda-
Bambucifer: You don’t like it? Fuck you!
Me: No, no, it’s not that I didn’t like it, it’s just like, well, it’s not really like anything I’ve heard before. I mean, how do you write your songs? Ah, song?
A.M: We just get together and begin thinking to ourselves, “what kind of depressive blackened suicidal black metal would a sad panda play”, and then just perform that on our instruments.
Bambucifer: Ja, see also the panda has the enlarged bone in its hand which is being called the ‘pseudo thumb’, right? And so to play the bass like you are a sad desolate depressive bleak nekro panda, you need to play it like you are having the extra thumb. ....
A.M: That is exactly true, and why my guitar parts are sounding the way they are. Because of the extra fucking thumb, man.....
Bambucifer: Ja, the fucking ‘psuedo thumb’.
Chaosbear: It’s made of bone, man. It’s fucking nekro as fuck.
A.M: Brutal.
Bambucifer: Totally fucking brutal.
Me: Right, sure. But why don’t any of the guitar parts actually fit together?
A.M: Pandas cannot play guitars.
Chaosbear: You ever seen a fucking panda up there playing a guitar?
Bambucifer: Euronymous wasn’t a panda, man. You think Euronymous was a fucking panda?
Me: No-
Bambucifer: If you think Euronymous was a fucking panda, then fuck you!
Me: I don’t think he was a panda-
Chaosbear: He was not a panda, that much is for certain.
A.M: Pandas cannot play guitars.
(pause)
Me: Okay. So… um… what are your influences?
A.M: Pandas.
(pause)
A.M: Sad sad pandas.
(pause)
Me: Okay… er… okay, what next for Sad Panda? Er, the band, not the song. Or any actual panda.
Bambucifer: Well, I am feeling like I want to play some depressive blackened suicidal black metal.
Chaosbear: I will go home and cut myself.
A.M: I am thinking of entering the dark void beyond the forest throne, at dusk.
(pause)
Me: Is that like… is that to do with pandas?
A.M: No.
Bambucifer: Not everything is about pandas, man.
.. ..
Bambucifer Chaosbear Ailuropoda Melancholia
SAD PANDA's only official release
THE PANDA TAKES A BOW: the last days of Sad Panda.
Well, after years of rumours, lies, half-truths and gossip, the truth is finally out – Norway’s kings of panda-related depressive blackened suicidal black metal, SAD PANDA, have called it a day. To some, it came as a shock – how could a band so united in vision, so single-minded in purpose, ever break up? To others, it was nigh on inevitable – as one source put it, “they were just too misanthropic to stay together, they understand only bamboo and pain, not ‘togetherness’.” Yet until now, the details of the split have been shrouded in mystery, as have the band members’ subsequent lives. Finally, here, now, all the pieces of the Sad Panda jigsaw puzzle are spilled out on the table. It is up to you to put them back together again to make it look like the picture on the front of the box – the box marked ‘TRUTH’.
NO NEED FOR SPREADSHEETS
After their ill-fated 1997 gig at DunkelFisterBrommerKriegenLober BlitzenHall, where their 15 minute epic ‘Sad Panda (Stares Into the Abyss)’ went for a tawdry 8 and a half minutes, ending with a squall of feedback and the separate band members wandering off the stage at separate times in separate directions, the rumour mill began grinding straight away. Was that the end for Sad Panda? Why did bass-player Bambucifer walk off halfway through the song? Did they really hate each other as much as it seemed? What happened to the light show? Where’d I put my drink? The questions seemed endless. But in all actuality, had someone been there to tally all the questions, perhaps arrange them in alphabetical order, maybe using a piece of gridpaper or specialised tabulation software like Excel, that person would have discovered that indeed there was an end to the questions, all things being bound by the finite nature of the universe. But that person, even with all their fancy stationery and access to quite expensive software, would still have been no closer to the facts about Sad Panda than anyone else with more typical stationery and dodgy open-source versions of virtually the same programs – for Sad Panda were nowhere to be found.
Only one thing was for certain – that truncated rendition of ‘Sad Panda (Stares Into the Abyss)’ at the infamous DunkelFisterBrommerKriegenLober BlitzenHall was to be their last.
Grind, o rumourmill, grind.
THE BAND THAT WAS, BECOMES NOT THAT ANYMORE
For a while, it was assumed that their low public profile was just Sad Panda going about business as usual – the kvlt, frostbitten, nekrobusiness of remaining Oslo’s most underground panda-related depressive blackened suicidal black metal band. Which they most definitely were – which was part of the problem. Their new-found kvlt status was beginning to fray the once-glacier-solid band into smaller, more frayed, glacier-ettes. In Bambucifer’s words:
“At that gig at the DunkelFisterBrommerKriegenLober BlitzenHall, there were kids
moshing, throwing horns in the air, you know, slamdancing and stage-diving and fucking really getting into the music. Everyone in the whole fucking venue was having the very awesome time, and I was thinking, what the fuck, I was thinking to myself, are we the fucking partyband now? FUCK YOU, we are NOT the fucking partyband.”
The seeds of split-uppedness were already sown. If supplied with enough water and sun, there was no doubt that they would grow upward, bigger and bigger, until one day, they would bloom into a big pretty flower of separation, rich with the heady perfume of loss. And that water and sun came all too soon, in the form of The Onyx Euron.
TOO KVLT FOR SCHOOL
When Sad Panda were awarded The Onyx Euron (the Norwegian underground black metal scene’s equivalent of the Golden Logie) in 2001, that was the last straw for this black metal camel. As Ailuropoda Melancholia tells the story:
“Bambucifer was already thinking we were not kvlt enough, that we were being too happy and frolicking like little lambsies on the hilltops. He was already saying we sold out already by recording a song, we should’ve stayed troo and kvlt and not played ANY music at all, that we should’ve all maybe just been killing ourselves and getting it over and fucking done with. And Chaosbear was being worried that maybe we had too much fun making the music and hanging out together being depressive, you know? Like, maybe if we were depressive alone it would be even MORE depressive. And then, fuck, well then we got that fucking award. I still have it on my shelf, you know. My shelf of despair. It’s in the rumpus room.”
The black metal camel that was Sad Panda, was a sad black metal panda camel that had faced one straw too many on its cold, necrofrozen hump of torment. Before it knew what straw had hit its own humpface, that sad black metal panda camel’s dream was over.
PANDA, ARISE!
But with each dying camel, comes a new dawn. For although the fearsome depressive entity that was Sad Panda was over, three new projects erupted in its wake, as each of its members went in their own new directions. Again, Ailuropoda Melancholia:
“We had said all we had to say about pandas, really, so there was no real reason for the project to be continuing. To be sure, pandas are being the very sad creatures. But there are being other creatures that also have the sadness. Not quite as sad, maybe, but certainly worth the exploring, you know? Like, fuck, you know those little monkeys that aren’t even monkeys? They have those moustaches? Must be pretty unhappy being one of those fuckers.”
Ailuropoda Melancholia’s solo project, ‘Disappointed Marmoset’ was the first to see the light of day. Not at all black metal, let alone depressive blackened suicidal black metal, ‘Disappointed Marmoset’ has more of a ‘dark ambient depressive folk’ feel about it, and, for once, you can understand what he’s saying. Which, depending on whether or not you like it, is either a good or a bad thing, based on your own judgments and priorities, depending on your personal tastes, aesthetic connections, and point of view.
Like a black phoenix rising straight out of Hell, smelling of sulphur and looking a little like a cross between an albatross and a partridge, a few years later Chaosbear’s own solo project appeared. And, like a cross between an albatross and a partridge, Chaosbear’s project would’ve perplexed ornithologists around the world, had any ornithologists of note been at all interested in the ex-members of Sad Panda, and their musical exploits. Which, thankfully for the publishers of ‘What Bird is That’, ‘What’s that Bird’, and ‘Ornithologist’s Quarterly’, they weren’t.
Chaosbear’s solo project ‘ETERNAL CANDLESHADOW OF THE NEKRODEMONCHALICE (Faces The True Desolation Of Sacrificial Grimskulls In The Moonforest Of The Thronegoat)’ is, believe it or not, still strictly black metal. As he says:
“Fuck you if you don’t like it. Who cares what you think anyway? Fuck you. FUCK YOU.”
But by far the most curious of the solo projects birthed from the grim nekromother that was the splitting up of Sad Panda, and raised by the spooky voidnanny that was the following few years between then and now, must be Bambucifer’s ‘BLACKSOIL’. In his own words:
“Well, I was thinking that I really was enjoying playing bass, making the musics, you know, the whole making-of-the-music process. So that had to fucking stop. There are no fucking instruments in Blacksoil, that’s for sure.”
Blacksoil is nothing but recordings of Bambucifer turning his compost. Bambucifer again:
“It’s more of a gardening project, really. But it certainly has more of the decay and the dirt and the fucking stench in it than Sad Panda ever had. It may be the truest art I have ever created. And it’s one I play live every fucking day – to nobody.”
JUST PERHAPS...
Whether or not you were ever a fan of Sad Panda, had only heard of them in whispered rumours, or are reading this going ‘what the FUCK is this? this isn’t about pandas at ALL’, one thing is for certain – you exist. And, as much as your existence is perhaps the only thing you can ever truly know for sure, so too the one thing that can ever truly be known about Sad Panda, is that they exist no longer. Yet, like some kind of three-bodied pandazombie from beyond the grave, Sad Panda refuses to die. Perhaps. Just perhaps.
SAD PANDA(STARES INTO THE ABYSS) VIDEO EDIT
A rare cassette cover from a 1997 live recording
PHOTOS OF SAD PANDA IN THEIR GLORY DAY
PART TWO - THE STORY CONTINUES - HERE
Monday, 12 July 2010
Mistula
I suppose many Westerners would be surprised at such a band coming from South East Asia bit any search on google will show the Philippino music scene is quite vibrant.
Mistula disseminates information and releases songs as well as other creative projects through their official website, and their online presence is maintained through their regularly updated blogs chronicling the band's virtual lives.
Mistula was conceptualized by Joey David and her husband, Rey Tiempo, in 2004. They came up with the idea for the band upon fusing David's ideas for a website devoted to Catholic iconography with Tiempo's ideas for a website for his rock band. "Mistula" is a Filipino term that translates to "in the likeness of", "resembling closely", or "similar to". The name pertains to the virtual aspect of the band. It is also reflective of the veneration of idealized images of Catholic saints which is prevalent in the Philippines.
Listen to MISULA'S Music here
Like Gorillaz the band has an evolving personality and all four members have individual personalities.
To the point where one member left in favor of a more peaceful existence in the UK
Apart from Filipino Catholic-culture, the band has stated that their musical influence is mainly heavy metal. Some bands they have frequently mentioned as their influences include the heavy metal bands Metallica and Pantera, and early Pinoy rock bands such as Mutiny, and Dahong Palay.
Their official fansite, The Black Rosary, has gained membership from all parts of the globe since the site's launch.
Mistula has garnered international recognition by being the first Filipino band to win a place in the International Play & Rate Competition of the UK-based site, Overplay.
In 2007 and 2008, Mistula was featured on Philippine TV programs, such as Lovely Day, Mel and Joey, The Sweet Life, and G-Cube.
Band members
Mistula's members are four Asian ball-jointed dolls by Volks Inc. from Japan and Cerberus Project from Korea. The dolls' virtual lives and profiles are documented on their official websites.
Uno (vocals and bass) - Uno was invited into Mistula by Bella Lugosi, after the latter noted his online following through his blog. Uno works for an advertising agency and is a frequent traveler. He chronicles all of his bandmates' lives through an online journal called Fully Articulated.
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Monday, 31 May 2010
The lead up to World War Three
PART THREE of a FOUR PART SERIES of 1000 word stories, incorporating some clever and talent artists
The lead up to World War Three
After the success of the public relation exercise that was the 2008 Olympic Games, China grew more in confidence and arrogance. There was barely a day that went by preceding the Games that China didn’t mention its 130 Gold Medal haul and the naming as the “Best Games ever” by the Olympic Committee. This brought about a hardline political change and one that seemed less tolerant of previous problems.
So it came as no surprise when China began provocative naval exercises in the seas off Taiwan and the world was pushed to a whole new era of terror when on 1st of May 2010 China invaded the island state.
All diplomatic avenues were exhausted as the United Nations led by the United States President Obama did everything to reverse the action. This was to no avail with China citing years of provocation by the small country and China’s unbridled belief it was still a part of China as a whole.
Due to China’s huge economic power many countries were hesitant to cease trading with China and all larger nations (including the US) just issued empty threats of diplomatic removal even though many had huge investments. in the Taiwanese economy.
This was the beginning of threads that lead to the world at war version 3.0.
In Europe Germany, Spain and France had elected far right wing leaders due to their populations unease with the growing terrorism threat and demanded strong action to combat it.
With these strong leaders came strong opinions and big egos and in an era than accepted China’s invasion of Taiwan, Germany and Spain in a surprise move unilaterally declared war on France for trying to control the Euro and invaded. France was over run within days and surrendered with hope of keeping it’s national identity and culture intact but agreed to be administrated by the other two countries.
The world had been blind sided again and due to the quick resolution there was little anyone could do about it. France handed itself over to its invaders.
This of course led to howls of protest but also howls of laughter from many sectors of the Western and Eastern nations.
The Us and Britain taking great delight in lampooning France as the “Great Surrender Monkeys”.
This would have devastating results as a misguided Terrorist organization called “Viva La France” grew in numbers and committed many a serious attack on American and English soil while ignoring its invaders at home.
China during this period was building relationships with the Spanish- German alliance and growing in stature. In 2012 China built up forces on its Eastern borders while North Korea massed troops on its Southern border with South Korea in what looked like an organized repeat of what had happened to Taiwan.
In a show of supreme defiance South Korea bombed Chinese coastal ports provoking an attack on its own borders.
What happened next is considered one of the most daring strategies ever attempted,
China launched 4 nuclear warheads on 15 April 2012 with trajectories traced to non populated or wilderness areas. South Korea (who had been in development of secret electronic counter systems) used its new untried defense system to take control of the warheads and turn them on Beijing.
Once again the world was stunned and a new era of unpredictability had begun.
When it was revealed that a new alliance had been formed by South Korea, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, South Africa, Brazil and Mexico who all shared the new missile re-guidance system the world power balance shifted.
This news sent many a diplomatic mission from Europe, Asia and America to these countries to share in this new technology but the pact was hard and fast and done in the interest of economic stability and a world not ruled by fear. Noble words indeed but it led to the ripping up of every treaty written and honoured since the end of the Second World War, due to this the United Nations crumbled under the weight of Universal distrust, diplomatic one-upmanship and bad sportsmanship.
Meanwhile relationships between India and Pakistan had reached new lows when India accused Pakistan of supporting terrorist attacks on major Indian cities which resulted in thousands of casualties. India blamed Pakistan of being jealous of its economic success and that it would always be a basket case and doubted if its nuclear capabilities were even real.
Pakistan goaded into action launched two ICBM towards India but both exploded on their launch pads making the Indian taunts real and then had to swallow more national pride by asking India to come and help clean up the mess. Within weeks Pakistan became once again a state of India.
North Korea who was responsible for the malfunctioning Pakistani missiles was in the throes of civil war. After the South Korea – China incident the peoples of North Korea realized their only threat to the greater (unknown) world was useless and rose up against it head of state Kim Jong-il. The war was slowly turning towards a South Korean/Japanese backed victory it was only the hardline disciples of the president that was holding out with their numbers thinly every day..
China still seething from the nuclear attack debacle had gone into lockdown.
In Europe the tri states of Spain, Germany and France were flexing economic muscle and were suggesting the introduction of its own currency The New Mark. This led to protests from the European Parliament and the three countries were ejected from the union something that never was considered when the invasion happened.
Russia aching to flex some muscle threw down the gauntlet at the tri states and demanded they step in line. With the backing of Great Britain , Italy and Poland they demanded they return France as a free state and work towards a united Europe. This had the opposite effect and the now mostly militant powers of the Tri States went into Empire building mode. Firstly invading Portugal, then Belgium , Switzerland and Austria. The latter two were seen to be in alliance as they just opened up the borders to the invaders.
With this extreme political action taking place calls for the USA to intervene was intensifying.
Feeling pressured but claiming Europe had deal with it’s own problems, the United States remained an interested observer until Viva La France detonated a dirty bomb at the Twin Tower Memorial on the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. This prompted outrage on a massive scale and the United States declared war on the Tri Sates and China for economic reasons no one was really sure of.
Since the US had joined in the fray it was OK now to refer to this stage in history as World War Three.
image one coutesy of Earthquakebee (c) EarthquakeBee Used with permission
Earthquake Bee is a talented artist from Red bubble and co owner of Vinyl Grove Records in the Hague
Image Two by the Author available here
The lead up to World War Three
After the success of the public relation exercise that was the 2008 Olympic Games, China grew more in confidence and arrogance. There was barely a day that went by preceding the Games that China didn’t mention its 130 Gold Medal haul and the naming as the “Best Games ever” by the Olympic Committee. This brought about a hardline political change and one that seemed less tolerant of previous problems.
So it came as no surprise when China began provocative naval exercises in the seas off Taiwan and the world was pushed to a whole new era of terror when on 1st of May 2010 China invaded the island state.
All diplomatic avenues were exhausted as the United Nations led by the United States President Obama did everything to reverse the action. This was to no avail with China citing years of provocation by the small country and China’s unbridled belief it was still a part of China as a whole.
Due to China’s huge economic power many countries were hesitant to cease trading with China and all larger nations (including the US) just issued empty threats of diplomatic removal even though many had huge investments. in the Taiwanese economy.
This was the beginning of threads that lead to the world at war version 3.0.
In Europe Germany, Spain and France had elected far right wing leaders due to their populations unease with the growing terrorism threat and demanded strong action to combat it.
With these strong leaders came strong opinions and big egos and in an era than accepted China’s invasion of Taiwan, Germany and Spain in a surprise move unilaterally declared war on France for trying to control the Euro and invaded. France was over run within days and surrendered with hope of keeping it’s national identity and culture intact but agreed to be administrated by the other two countries.
The world had been blind sided again and due to the quick resolution there was little anyone could do about it. France handed itself over to its invaders.
This of course led to howls of protest but also howls of laughter from many sectors of the Western and Eastern nations.
The Us and Britain taking great delight in lampooning France as the “Great Surrender Monkeys”.
This would have devastating results as a misguided Terrorist organization called “Viva La France” grew in numbers and committed many a serious attack on American and English soil while ignoring its invaders at home.
China during this period was building relationships with the Spanish- German alliance and growing in stature. In 2012 China built up forces on its Eastern borders while North Korea massed troops on its Southern border with South Korea in what looked like an organized repeat of what had happened to Taiwan.
In a show of supreme defiance South Korea bombed Chinese coastal ports provoking an attack on its own borders.
What happened next is considered one of the most daring strategies ever attempted,
China launched 4 nuclear warheads on 15 April 2012 with trajectories traced to non populated or wilderness areas. South Korea (who had been in development of secret electronic counter systems) used its new untried defense system to take control of the warheads and turn them on Beijing.
Once again the world was stunned and a new era of unpredictability had begun.
When it was revealed that a new alliance had been formed by South Korea, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, South Africa, Brazil and Mexico who all shared the new missile re-guidance system the world power balance shifted.
This news sent many a diplomatic mission from Europe, Asia and America to these countries to share in this new technology but the pact was hard and fast and done in the interest of economic stability and a world not ruled by fear. Noble words indeed but it led to the ripping up of every treaty written and honoured since the end of the Second World War, due to this the United Nations crumbled under the weight of Universal distrust, diplomatic one-upmanship and bad sportsmanship.Meanwhile relationships between India and Pakistan had reached new lows when India accused Pakistan of supporting terrorist attacks on major Indian cities which resulted in thousands of casualties. India blamed Pakistan of being jealous of its economic success and that it would always be a basket case and doubted if its nuclear capabilities were even real.
Pakistan goaded into action launched two ICBM towards India but both exploded on their launch pads making the Indian taunts real and then had to swallow more national pride by asking India to come and help clean up the mess. Within weeks Pakistan became once again a state of India.
North Korea who was responsible for the malfunctioning Pakistani missiles was in the throes of civil war. After the South Korea – China incident the peoples of North Korea realized their only threat to the greater (unknown) world was useless and rose up against it head of state Kim Jong-il. The war was slowly turning towards a South Korean/Japanese backed victory it was only the hardline disciples of the president that was holding out with their numbers thinly every day..
China still seething from the nuclear attack debacle had gone into lockdown.
In Europe the tri states of Spain, Germany and France were flexing economic muscle and were suggesting the introduction of its own currency The New Mark. This led to protests from the European Parliament and the three countries were ejected from the union something that never was considered when the invasion happened.
Russia aching to flex some muscle threw down the gauntlet at the tri states and demanded they step in line. With the backing of Great Britain , Italy and Poland they demanded they return France as a free state and work towards a united Europe. This had the opposite effect and the now mostly militant powers of the Tri States went into Empire building mode. Firstly invading Portugal, then Belgium , Switzerland and Austria. The latter two were seen to be in alliance as they just opened up the borders to the invaders.
With this extreme political action taking place calls for the USA to intervene was intensifying.
Feeling pressured but claiming Europe had deal with it’s own problems, the United States remained an interested observer until Viva La France detonated a dirty bomb at the Twin Tower Memorial on the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. This prompted outrage on a massive scale and the United States declared war on the Tri Sates and China for economic reasons no one was really sure of.
Since the US had joined in the fray it was OK now to refer to this stage in history as World War Three.
image one coutesy of Earthquakebee (c) EarthquakeBee Used with permission
Earthquake Bee is a talented artist from Red bubble and co owner of Vinyl Grove Records in the Hague
Image Two by the Author available here
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