The Chronicles of Jack The Axe

The Witch's House

Jack the woodsman had seen some strange things in his time but watching the half naked Market Controller Humpty Dumpty stagger through the forest like ten drunken gnomes would have to rate as one of more amusing.
Jack was well aware of who the egg was as well as his reputation around the market and his relationship with the King.
Jack knew the King considered him a vital resource against corruption in the busy markets. Jack also knew the King had no idea that Humpty Dumpty was probably the most corrupt individual in the market - maybe even the whole Kingdom.
Jack was also unaware that Humpty Dumpty had been pushed off the market wall weeks ago and was technically dead.
Sometimes his isolation in the forest meant Jack’s knowledge of current affairs left a lot to be desired.

Jack’s concern for Humpty Dumpty was near non-existent because he knew his own sub-contractors had been subjected to his stand over tactics until it was mentioned who really owned the stall, then things seemed to smooth over rather quickly. Jack may be absent from the Kingdom but his reputation loomed large.

Jack assumed wrongly that Humpty had taken on someone even more corrupt than himself and had been dumped out here as a warning. If he was still around in a day or two Jack would look after him. Right now, no one was looking for him and it might teach him a valuable lesson.

Jack went back to his chopping as Humpty disappeared out of sight.
Dumpty arrived at the gingerbread house only minutes after passing Jack.

Jack was unaware that the house was even there even though he had passed it many times. A strong charm protected the house, which made it invisible to all human adults and their five senses.
The Necromancer’s suspicions had been correct in part.

Humpty filled with the scent of Fairy knocked on the door. Normally he would have just run at it and knocked it down to get to the meal on the other side but the voice in his head told him it would be polite to knock.
Inside an old lady with vacant eyes was pushing a tray of shortbread biscuits through the bars of a suspended cage that contained a plump boy. In the corner, quietly weeping stood a young girl holding a broom. A black cat with one white ear and a leather collar with silver bell was lying on top of the mantlepiece enjoying the warmth from the fireplace below.

On hearing the knock the cat stretched out, the tiny bell on its collar giving a little tinkle. The old lady with the vacant eyes responding to the bell, looked up and made her way towards the door.

On opening the door Humpty pushed the old lady aside and attacked the cat. Being caught totally off guard, the cat was gobbled down without resistance.

Humpty finished off by spitting the collar at the old lady who was still standing at the door totally emotionless.

As the collar bounced off the floor the little bell tinkled again and the old lady’s eyes lost their glaze and her emotionless visage changed to one of horror and she started screaming at Humpty, the young boy and girl, taking this as a cue, joined in.

The Necromancer had been partially right, children had been lured to the house but the old lady was not a witch, she was a slave to an enchanted cat who controlled her to do his dirty work.

Humpty instinctively knew this and after eating the cat had broken the spell holding the old lady.
She then did something that would change the future of all in the Kingdom forever.

She picked up the collar.

The old lady may have been a prisoner to the enchanted cat for all these years and although she had done things she would never forgive herself for, her self preservation instincts and fear were strong and she knew the collar had power.

So, trying to protect herself she tinkled the bell again in a misguided attempt to get rid of the monstrous rotting egg thing that was standing opposite her and scaring her (and the children) silly.

This action would be life changing for all in the room, for the old lady it meant her life would be considerable shorter. Humpty reacted to the bell and snapped at it biting off the old lady’s hand.
The voice in Humpty’s head cried out in glee.
As Humpty swallowed the hand he again spat out the collar.
At that point, everything changed.

The Necromancer had been played like a game of cards.
For the first time since he was reborn Humpty began to smile as he hungrily eyed the old lady and the children with renewed interest.


To be continued.......

Edited by Cathie Tranent, art by Simon Sherry

The Chronicles of Jack The Axe

The Fall and Rise of Humpty Dumpty

Part Three


Humpty finds work


The Necromancer, in his day job as Post Master General was in a prime position to learn of most news happening in and around the Kingdom.
The King’s total ignorance of the problem the Fairy hordes had created within the Kingdom and its massive bureaucracy, had made his home a breeding ground for crime and latent supernatural folly.
Ten years ago a talking pig, giant egg or dragon would have sent the populace into a fear driven frenzy. But by stealth and servitude the fairy folk had worked their way into the hearts of the Townsfolk and now they were tearing it apart from the inside as their true nature rose to the surface.
Infiltrate and destroy was the Fairy motto and through careful research the Post Master had discovered towns that had been laid to waste by Fairy Infestation through the ages, growing derelict while the Fairy folk stole all their resources leaving only when the town was economically and culturally destroyed. A true parasitic horde - a dreamtime locust.
Humpty Dumpty was his solution to the Fairy plague.

Humpty had been quite content to sit in the empty warehouse down by the docks satisfying his appetite with the more than plentiful supply of rats that were infesting the area.

The Necromancer didn’t take long to figure out this was soon going to become a problem. Humpty was not living up to his full potential as a Fairy creature exterminator.
If Humpty was feasting on rats then there was a good chance these weren’t the garbage dwelling, disease-spreading variety the town was used to.
The Necromancer had done his work well and knew that Humpty would pass a human or natural animal as if it were a brick wall or a wooden box.
These rats were from a source of magical mischief.
A few days later the Necromancer’s concerns were justified as the King declared the Kingdom a Rat Infested Disaster Area and was tendering out for the services of a professional Rat Catcher. Within hours The Pied Piper Pest Control was banging on the Castle doors.
The Necromancer, in his guise as Post Master General, was called to the Civic Council meeting that was to commission the Rat Catchers.
Those with more conventional methods were ignored as the Piped Piper Henry Hamlin demonstrated his new sound frequency mind capture device on the rats and in minutes had barrels of the filthy creatures sealed and stacked in the corner.

Of course, he was hired on the spot and a method of payment was devised that meant the quicker the rats were eliminated the higher the wage was that would be paid.
The Necromancer watched these proceedings with interest and was keen to vote on all the council decisions.
One problem at a time he thought to himself.
Within hours the Pied Piper was dancing down the main street of the Kingdom playing his weird instrument followed by an endless procession of vermin.
He played until he reached the docks and stood on a pylon as the conga line of rats dove into the sea and swam out towards the horizon, swimming on and on until, totally exhausted, they drowned.
By the time evening fell upon that very day the Kingdom no longer had a Rat problem, but now however, the Necromancer had a problem with the Rat Catcher.
When the Pied Piper returned to the Civic Council lifted up on the shoulders of the city’s peasants and nobles alike, he was borne into the Chambers with his arms outstretched and hands open wide.
“Time to be paid I believe” he cried as he entered.
The Necromancer knowing only too well how the Kingdom’s bureaucracy worked just leant back in his seat and with a sly smirk watched the drama unfold.
As with any well-oiled government machine the administrators took over and declared that monies would be forthcoming after an inspection had been carried out in the city and a certificate of practical completion had been issued. This would, of course release a portion of the funds after the Pied Piper had submitted a claim and he was made aware of 25% retention was to be held back until 12 months had passed and the job was out of the warranty period. There was also the problem of the Pied Piper not being a registered contractor with the Kingdom (an oversight on the council’s behalf regrettably - but unfortunately the rules had to be adhered to). This would hold up the issuing of the practical completion certificate until all JSA and OH&S paperwork had been submitted and approved by the next sitting of the Approvals Committee.
Understandably the Pied Piper went nuts; demanding payment in full or the council would regret ever hiring him.

The Council, well used to this sort of behavior from contractors warned Mister Hamlin that he was close to breaching the rules of the Chamber and that he could be fined and/or imprisoned for assault and threatening behavior. This last part was declared and recorded by the Kingdom lawyers.
The Pied Piper swore and stormed out of the chambers screaming threats of revenge.
The Council convened for dinner and returned to finish other council business as per the agenda.
The Necromancer, having thoroughly enjoyed the show, went home to await the Pied Piper’s next move.
With the disappearance of the rats Humpty was back out in the alleys and laneways hunting down the drunk and derelict fairy creatures of the Kingdom.
The Pied Piper however, had taken to the streets drumming up support from the townsfolk declaring he had been ripped off and if he wasn’t paid by morning would do something that the town would never forget.
When said townsfolk threatened to stone him on the spot if he bought the rat backs he stole away to execute his revenge regardless and immediately.

By this time the Necromancer’s spies had briefed him of the Pied Piper Pest Control Company and Mister Hamlin’s dealings with other Kingdoms. Like most Fairy Folk he was as predictable as he was devious and in the interim The Necromancer took measures to counter the Piper.
The Piper took to the streets early the next morning playing his pipe and dancing in the city square, and as he played children came from all directions and formed a large crowd. When the Piper was satisfied he had enough youngsters present he began to dance toward the wharfs.
But things had changed since the previous day, and as the Pied Piper came closer to the Docks his way was blocked by road works and construction barriers that detoured him towards the old dry docks and warehouses. He carried on confused and disorientated until he came to a dead end, a decrepit boat shed.
As he stood in front of this door playing loudly to keep the children under his control a pair of skinny arms grabbed him by the throat and ripped his windpipe out.
The music stopped and all of a sudden a thousand children awoke in the wrong part of town.
The Pied Piper had disappeared.
The Necromancer in his wisdom had suggested that the children be followed by the Kingdom guards who herded them back to the square and told them to go home.
The Piper was never seen again and Humpty had completed his first unofficial civic duty.
His reward? A meal and a battered old pipe he didn’t know how to play.

To be continued.......

Edited by Cathie Tranent, art by Simon Sherry

The Chronicles of Jack The Axe

Prelude Part Two
A parting of ways


Racing through the forest and its many game runs, it wasn’t long before they came across the body of one of the King’s personal messengers, a man Jack had met several times before. Barely alive and with vicious looking cuts through his torso, it looked like he had been attacked in a sword frenzy.
Jack tried in vain to give the dying man some water and extract any information out of him he could, only to have the man whisper the words “leave now” before breathing his last breath in Jack’s arms.

This spoke volumes to Jack, knowing what he did about messenger protocols and seeing it would be dark soon, called his men in and ordered them to collect the man’s body and return to the cottage.
Jack’s men mistakenly saw this as Jack heeding a warning from a dead man, but they should have known better.
On returning to the cottage Jack and his men were met by the local postman.
“You’re a bit late for rounds postman” said Jack eyeing the frightened man with a real sense of menace.
“No sir, I’ve finished the day’s duties, I’ve come to visit my Mother”
“What kind of man lets his Mother live out here?” demanded Jack.
“Aye, I’ve asked her to abandon these digs many a time, but she won’t leave. She says it wasn’t a bad place till those creatures come, Sir” the postman replied.

“Hmmm, well I can’t speak for your Mother boy, but I have a distressing sight inside for your eyes and I’m hoping you may shed a light on who it may be. Come with me”

Jack placed his hand on the postman’s shoulder and led him inside, where on first view he gasped from the sight of the blood sprays then ran to his Mother’s bed looking confused until he turned and realised there was a body behind him.

“Oh my” he sobbed and collapsed next to the body reaching out and taking the cape to his face where he wept without shame in front of the soldiers.

“You know the girl?” demanded Jack.

“My niece” came the postman’s reply “She, like me visits regularly to keep our Ma company.”

He looked up at Jack “Where’s my Ma?”
“That I can’t say,” said Jack “But we can’t stay here, we must get these bodies back to the town”.

With that, Jack ordered his men to carry out the unpleasant duty of bringing the bodies back to the Kingdom, the sobbing postman trailing behind.

On arriving back at Kingdom Jack made straight for the Palace and demanded an immediate audience with the King.

He was granted instant access to the chambers where the King was enjoying a private theatrical performance by a dancing cup and spoon.
On Jack’s arrival the King shooed the magical dinnerware away.
“Jack the Gi… Jack, what’s up old friend” the King caught himself just in time.

“I believe I found one your personal messengers today in the borderlands. He died delivering his note” Jack said with no introduction or greeting.

“Really? Was he abducted” the King said not meeting Jack’s stare.

“No, he was savaged, no doubt by the one he was delivering the message to”

“I don’t think so Captain, a King’s messenger only delivers the King’s own words”
“Aye, that he did, Leave Now, I believe they were.” Jack knew he was on very dangerous ground right now and he was very close to accusing his Sovereign of aiding a mass murderer.

The King saved him the trouble.

“Jack, what has happened will not continue. I assure you. Do not seek the perpetrator or bother with any more investigations. The killings have stopped and you will no longer need to worry about them”
“But why?” Jack asked.

“It is none of your concern, a debt needed to be repaid and it has”
“It was a wolf” Jack said.

“Yes, it was and if it returns you are welcome to hunt it down freely, but that will never happen” sighed the King.

“What of the victims, I met a man today who lost half his family, what of him?”
“Send him to me; I shall see he is cared for. Jack my conscience is also troubled here don’t you ever forget that.” The King sounded genuine.

“What of the Giant?” Jack said quickly, instantly regretting it.

“That is what a King does, Jack” The King’s mood had shifted quickly. “King’s make hard decisions, soldiers obey Kings Jack, not question them”
“Well your Majesty, this soldier has just become a free man”.

With those words Jack turned on his heels and never saw the King again.

The King having a good heart and a troubled conscience let him leave.

The King slumped into his chair and shook his head, turning it to see Humpty Dumpty step out from behind the changing curtains. He was holding the cup and spoon.
“I’m sorry Your Highness, I had no idea he was so clever”
“Aye, he is an amazing man and I’d stay away from him if I were you” said the King.
“I fear him not your Majesty because I know a deal’s a deal and you are a man of honour. Without the wolf there would be no goose”
“Yes but the death of a dozen subjects, the deception of an innocent giant, a deal with a monster, was it worth it?” mumbled the King.
“In the long term Your Highness, yes, you have given the Kingdom longevity. You are a true leader sire”
“Get out” said the King tired of Humpty’s silver but slippery tongue. “Just leave me in peace”.


To be continued.......

Edited by Cathie Tranent, art by Simon Sherry